


A Modest Proposal

by notnowcommander



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, F/M, Regency
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notnowcommander/pseuds/notnowcommander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after being taken in by Sir Anderson and Miss Sanders, Shepard remains unmarried, and very vehemently despises the idea, much to everyone's chagrin. When Anderson finds Sir Kaidan Alenko, a handsome, sweet, land owning young man, he believes he finally has a perfect match for Shepard. Shepard, however, has other ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were very few things Shepard hated more than Anderson’s elegant dinner parties, and there were several very good reasons for it. One, she had to make nice with stuffy lords and nobles and act “like a lady”. Two, no smoking. And three, she knew it meant Anderson was trying to find her a husband. 

It had been six years since Anderson and Lady Sanders had taken her in, and she adored the pair like parents since her own were dead. They’d turned her from a street rat to a somewhat upstanding woman. But of course, there was nothing they could do to make Shepard anything less than Shepard. And she was glad they seemed to have no intentions of doing so either.

Shepard took her place at the back corner of the ballroom in their manor, and watched over the guests, knowing that very few of them would want to speak with her. They knew her as the reject child of Anderson and Lady Sanders’ manor, the one poor girl they’d taken in and reformed. She heard this whispers. While Sir Anderson and Lady Sanders had never been able to have children of their own, they had Shepard, and they’d missed the adorable stages of having a young child, but got all the rebellion and nonsense of a teenager and young adult. And Shepard knew they’d always been thankful for her; it was something. But no matter how good she was, she’d never be the lady they expected her to be.

While most of the women wore white, or some other elegant light color, their dresses modest and respectable, Shepard wore red, with twinges of black worked into the lace and bodices, and if she was feeling particularly difficult later, it wouldn’t be very hard to make her corset show. She kept a silky pair of black gloves over her hands at nearly all times, but Liara repeatedly told her that it made her more intimidating than ladylike. Shepard would just smile in response, because that was exactly the goal.

“For you,” Liara said, passing a glass of wine to Shepard as she rejoined her friend in their corner. 

Shepard took it and threw back most of the drink in one sip. Liara watched on with amusement. “You really are fighting to keep people away from you.”

“I don’t need their condescending comments or pity. It might be better for them to think I’m a whore, or converting the village children to worshiping the devil. Besides, it more fun when they make up stories. I like hearing them.”

Liara nodded. “I do too. Last I heard, you wrestled a bear last week.”

Shepard shrugged. “Well, it’s at least more interesting than the rumor that I worked in a whore house.”

Liara looked dashing, wearing a soft blue dress, with gentle white accents along the bodice. She was exactly the example of what Shepard should have been. Liara was proper and smart. She had her wit, but kept it to herself, and she never misbehaved. Shepard hated most women like Liara because she felt like they only did so to follow the rules, but Liara had her own ambitions, a strong interest in history that she wouldn’t sacrifice for any man. And Shepard was one of very few people who knew that Liara’s wit and charm packed a punch when she knew it was safe to do so.

“Let me guess how you spun that,” Liara teased.

“Any place I go is a whore house,” Shepard said, smiling but feeling something tug in her stomach. The things people said about her wouldn’t get to her. Not tonight, not ever. She was who she was, and she wasn’t prepared to change, no matter what man Anderson tried to throw at her tonight.

At the other end of the room, Shepard made out Tali and Garrus, announced at the doors. Tali wore an elegant purple and grey gown, where Garrus donned a blue and grey suit, which did not match with Tali’s attire at all. They’d probably fought about it the entire ride there, Tali elbowing him in the stomach repeatedly before someone noticed. And because of that, Shepard would refrain from commenting.

The duo joined Shepard and Liara, taking drinks along the way. Shepard greeted their close friends and the group snuck off to a more secluded area of the manor. They were still technically in the ballroom, and wouldn’t get in trouble for being “anti-social” or in Shepard’s case, no one would accuse her of corrupting good people. 

As the night went on, Shepard greeted people as they came to speak with the group, but most of the patrons of the night were interested in talking to Liara, or Tali about her recent engagement. She explained how she intended to keep the “vas” in her name, even after marrying. And Garrus rolled his eyes, commenting that “Miss vas Vakarian” sounded stupid. She disagreed, loudly and violently. After several drinks, this was the usual for Tali.

What was also the usual for Tali was sitting down very close to Shepard and examining every single, eligible man in the room. She’d point out ones she knew were new, and ones she suspected Anderson had invited just for the sake of introducing them to Shepard. The routine normally consisted of a man asking her for a dance, and then they’d casually slip in that they heard she was looking for a husband. She always took it as her cue to remove herself from the ball entirely. 

“Okay,” Tali began, trying to subtly point out the men she thought would be on the menu for that night. “The one with the red coat. Him. Definitely.”

The man Tali had pointed out was a stout fellow with an ill fitting suit, and an even iller fitting hair piece atop his head. He vaguely reminded Shepard of a slightly uncooked potato.

Shepard crinkled her nose. “Anderson wouldn’t dare.”

“He might. He’s getting desperate, Shepard. He’s running out of places to look.”

She crossed her arms. “Well, then he can stop looking.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you again, Shepard. There is no choice in the matter.”

And before Tali could list another possible suitor, Anderson appeared before them. 

“Miss vas Neema,” he said, kissing the back of her hand. He greeted Liara the same way, and shifted his eyes to Shepard. He motioned for her to stand, and come with him, which she did, bringing her drink with them. 

“Shepard, I’ve found someone I would like you to speak with,” he said.

She groaned. “I don’t want to.”

Anderson’s face hardened and he frowned. “I know you don’t want to, and you’ve made that extremely clear, but you have to understand. This will be good for you. A good husband would help you to have a little more stability. Plus, it would stop rumors from swirling.”

“It would tarnish a good man,” she said, crossing her arms.

Anderson placed a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “You know that isn’t true.”

“Debatable, sir. How many are there tonight?”

“Shepard, please.”

“Fine.”

And without any hesitation, he introduced her to Mr. Conrad, an overly eager and blonde man with an even blonder facial hair arrangement, who was considerably older than her. She heard Tali stifle a giggle, and Liara tell her she was being rude. Garrus giggled as well, and both ladies didn’t hesitate to tell him that he was being a real ass.

Shepard reluctantly placed one hand on Mr. Conrad’s shoulder and took his hand with her other.   
“Lady Shepard. I must have you know that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”

Shepard cracked a fake smile and nodded curtly. “Thank you, Mr. Conrad. I appreciate the compliment.”

He made casual small talk as they danced to several songs together. He stepped on her toes four times, and told her she was beautiful eight. And he only slightly backed off when she told him more intimate and gritty details of her life, like how she owned pants and liked to ride the horses in the stables, race them actually. And she also mentioned the bear rumor.

“Lady Shepard, Sir Anderson spoke to me several weeks ago and mentioned that you were still in need of a husband, and I-,” he began. 

Shepard felt a soft hand come to her waist, and someone step between her and Mr. Conrad. She turned around, to find a missing member of her friend group there to interrupt the awkward and all too straight-forward proposal. She’d been proposed to nearly ten times now, and said no to everyone. And her main reason for doing so was because either she had no desire to marry them or even entertain the idea, but also because not a one had even tried to make the proposal anything special.

“Lady Shepard, might I interrupt and ask for a dance?” Sir Alenko interjected.

Shepard turned to her friend and gave a relieved smile. “You may. It was lovely meeting you, Sir Conrad,” she said, stepping away from Sir Conrad. 

“Of course, my lady. You are a very popular and desired woman, I see,” he said, giving her a brief bow before departing. 

Shepard turned back to Kaidan. He took her hand, and placed his lips against the back of her palm, his lips faintly brushing against the silk. He wasn’t one to show up at many events, and was rather awkward when he did come, but Shepard had always found something charming and pleasant about him. And on most occasions, she could even consider him a friend. He was tall and very handsome, with smooth black hair, littered with a fair share of grey strands throughout. Shepard knew little about him personally, other than the fact that his family owned a sprawling orchard in the country, and that he treated everyone with the utmost respect. He was commendable, to say the least. And Shepard did think he looked extremely dashing in the blue suit and jacket he was wearing.

“What brings you to the party tonight, Sir Alenko?” she asked.

He cracked a gentle smile at her. “Oh, why not? I needed something to do this evening. I’m no one to turn down an invitation from Sir Anderson. And please, no titles. Just Kaidan is fine.”

“Of course.”

“It seems as though you had quite the fan,” he added.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “At least he was polite, didn’t let his hands wander, and seemed genuine in his compliments.”

“I cannot imagine any man being ingenuine when speaking about someone as formidable as you, my lady,” he said, pulling her slightly closer to him. Shepard could feel Tali and Liara’s eyes on her as Kaidan led her around the ballroom floor. He was naturally elegant with his movements and as usual, everything about him was refined and polite.

“Formidable?” she asked, glancing up at him.

He nodded. “Of course, a woman who will take no one’s trouble. Especially not a man’s. It’s admirable.”

“You are one of few people to think that way.”

“Well, perhaps it matters to.”

Shepard shrugged. “At least you’re not trying to marry me too.”

Kaidan pursed his lips together, and sighed. “I suppose not.”

While the music played, she and Kaidan caught up, discussing the things that they’d missed over the past several months. He told her of his father’s business on the orchard, how he’d brought his wild cousin Lady Ashley to stay for a while, and how he had his hands full with her. And she’d been nagging him about marriage as well, which both he and Shepard laughed off.

That was until Anderson found them again. He greeted Kaidan warmly and gave a smile that told Shepard there was absolutely something behind it. It was the first time all night that she’d felt comfortable and cared little what people said about her, and actually enjoyed the man she was dancing with.

“Sir Alenko, I was hoping to find you.”

Shepard stepped away from Kaidan, allowing him to say his hellos to Anderson. Kaidan shook his hand and gave a warm smile. Anderson asked him several short questions about his family, about work, and how he was doing himself. All the while, Kaidan kept an arm around her waist, and toyed with some of the beading on the dress. 

“Well, Lady Shepard, you’ve done a wonderful job of finding a man on your own this evening. Look at that, a smile on your face for once,” Anderson said.

Shepard narrowed her eyes. “Sir?”

“You didn’t think that Sir Alenko was coming just for fun, did you?”

Shepard turned her head to Kaidan, who bit down on his lip and diverted his eyes away. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and groaned.

“What?” she snapped. “You brought him here to try and marry us?”

Anderson nodded. “Sir Alenko would be a perfect match for you, Shepard, and you already quite enjoy each other’s company. I’ve invited him to stay for several weeks, to see if this plan will work out as I expect it will. What could be so bad about it?”

Shepard pulled herself away from her partner and glared. “Because both you and him are aware that I’m not interested in marriage, and the more you force it, the less I’ll want anything to do with it. How definite is this contract already? What did you sign me on for without my consent?”

Kaidan sighed and looked away, even more so. Shepard was wondering when his head would snap off from trying to turn it all the way around. 

“The terms of the marriage are to be arranged, but Sir Anderson has grown tired of your constant refusals to marry, and well…”

Shepard turned to Kaidan, her face bubbling red with anger. “How dare you agree to this, and then come here and flatter me? I’m not that simple, as you certainly said yourself. You knew, didn’t you? And you tried to pretend there was nothing going on?”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck again. “Yes, I did know.”

In a flurry of anger, Shepard raised her foot and jabbed the end of her heel onto Kaidan’s foot. He stiffened, but didn’t react as strongly as she wanted him to. And she charged for the door, making as much noise as she possibly could on her way out of the ball room.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard knew she’d never forget the day that she stole from the wrong person. She didn’t like stealing from people, mostly merchants, or latching herself onto a man for a night just for a warm dinner or a bed with blankets on it. And for her, it was never stealing or sex or even prostitution. It was survival. She always thought survival began once people removed themselves from who they were just to survive another night. 

She saw Sir Anderson walking with his wife one afternoon, and they were bundled up, but their clothes hinted that they had more than enough money, and Shepard doubted they’d gravely miss it if she borrowed some. The winds had been even worse than normal this week, and Shepard knew she couldn’t stand another night on the street. Her skin burned with frostbite and her cheek was itching. She knew that it was a tell tale sign that her skin was frozen and even the subtlest touch to her skin would tear open a vicious gash that she had no way of covering and keeping from infection. And besides, if she looked as rough as she really was, no one would be willing to help her for the night.

She rounded the corner, following the couple. With a quick jolt, she stumbled into Anderson’s shoulder, a hand slipping into his pocket as she fell into him. It worked like a charm every time. If a pocket was big enough, she could be in and out before anyone noticed. And even if they did, most of them didn’t run after her. But Anderson did more than anyone else had. She felt his fingers curl around her thin, bony wrist. She fought to get away, but he pulled her hand out of his pocket, where she clutched as much money as she could hold. She glanced down at her hands and released the money. Her eyes welled with tears, and it was one of the first times she ever felt shame for what she was doing.

She hardly ever felt it when she woke up in beds she didn’t know or left someone in the middle of the night after they fed her, or stole meals from street merchants. She knew that she was no different, no more or less identifiable than any other street urchin, trying to make it through just another day. But now, she had made eye contact, exchanged a real, genuine look with someone. 

“Miss, what do you think you’re doing?” Anderson asked.

Shepard felt incredibly underdressed compared to him. She knew she was dirty, and that her clothing had more holes than fabric. Her boots had holes in the soles and her heels and the balls of her feet were gashed open and rubbed raw. It hurt just to think about, the warring numbness and pain of her entire body. And Shepard didn’t answer.

Anderson placed a hand on her frail body and forced her to look at him. “Do you need that money?”

Shepard nodded reluctantly. Saying no meant choosing another target, someone who might catch her and throw her in jail for the night instead of let her have it, like this man seemed like he was going to. She’d learned to decode people in her time watching the world that was cruel to her.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Shepard scuffed her shoes against the ground. “Two days.”

“Two days ago?” he asked.

She nodded, ashamed. It wasn’t her fault that the world wouldn’t treat her fairly, but now, it felt like it was. Maybe if she’d tried harder, worked harder, this wouldn’t be her life.

“Do you have a home?”

She shook her head. And he asked where she was going to sleep that night. She didn’t have an answer for him. Shepard couldn’t remember the conversation that followed, but it lead to her first time ever riding in a carriage, and the first time someone told her she had pretty hair. The woman - Anderson’s wife - played to her emotions, convinced her that there didn’t have to be any divides between them.

And six years later, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for being who she was. Anderson and Kahlee had given her everything, a roof over her head, a social standing, a chance. And all she did was squander it. She would never feel good about being how she was, but changing herself and pretending wasn’t going to help her either. She’d spent years wanting to scream, wanting someone to hear her, and when she suddenly had no reason to, something felt missing because she knew few people were seeing who she really was.

Out in the pastures, near the stables on the manor, Shepard walked Willow - her favorite horse - back into her stable. She hadn’t seen anyone all day, and rode the horse around the grounds for hours, stopping occasionally when she sensed Willow getting tired. And then, they’d sat under various trees, Shepard sitting down to read. Then, it was just the sound of the birds chirping and the summer crickets hissing.

Shepard tied Willow to the stable and fed her, stroking along her mane leaning over the stall door. Shepard heard footsteps, and knew it wasn’t one of the horses, and it wasn’t Kahlee, as she had a horrible fear of the horses for some reason. And Anderson simply didn’t come back here. 

There was only one other person on the grounds. And it was the one person Shepard had absolutely no desire to see. She never thought she’d look at Kaidan with the contempt she did now. He was always a friend, an equal. He never looked at her and thought she was impressive considering where she came from. She just was. There were no disclaimers. But now, now that he was set to be her husband and she had no choice in the matter, everything had changed.

“I thought I might find you here,” he started, looking around. “Far… away from the rest of the manor. Can’t say I blame you.”

Shepard crossed her arms. She knew what she was probably thinking. Women weren’t supposed to wear pants, they weren’t supposed to wear anything other than uncomfortable dresses, corsets that accentuated her breasts, shoe that dug into her skin and left raw, bloody blisters. But Anderson had never argued against her activities, not really. Sometimes when she came in, pants covered in dust and dirt, her hair damp with sweat across her forehead, he’d tell her she needed to bathe and think twice before showing herself to anyone.

“Yes, I was staying away from some people in particular.”

Kaidan smiled. “Huh, I wonder who.”

“Your smart attitude gives you no credit, Sir Alenko. Your understanding of being friendly is apparently being a pure delight, and then revealing you only did so to gain my hand in marriage.”

Kaidan leaned against the frame of Willow’s stable, crossing his own arms as well. He looked far different from last night, just a pair of black pants with an open, loose fitting white shirt tucked in. “You think it was all because of my motivations? What if it was pure coincidence?”

“You knew. You knew before you even showed up that he wanted to marry us, and if you knew anything about me, you would know that I want to marry no one,” she corrected.

“Miss Shepard, don’t you understand that means you’ll… die alone?” he suggested.

“Then fine; I die free.”

Kaidan frowned. “Is that really something you want? Is that an option that sounds appealing to you, Miss? Knowing that you missed out on having someone to hold you at night or tell you that you were the most beautiful person in the world?”

“Who says I wouldn’t get all those things? I don’t need a husband for that. And even more so, are you insinuating that you would be the person to fulfill all of that? Because as far as I’m aware, men don’t understand that marriage and love are not the same thing. You’ll have a job, a position to hold, something else moving forward in your life, but a woman wouldn’t. My job would be to be your wife, and little else.”

Most men would have raised a hand to a woman for speaking as such, but instead, Kaidan nodded. “I’m aware of such. It’s an unfortunate situation, true. But do you have so little trust in me that I’d make you live your life as a slave?”

He raised a decent point, but Shepard would have rather not thought about it. She knew that her future husband had relationships before her, or at least she’d heard. And he was particularly close with his cousin Ashley, who was quite similar to Shepard: wild, outspoken, and trouble seemed to find her too. He didn’t let his cousin’s antics sway his opinion or care for her, and on more than one occasion, she’d heard him giving her advice that blatantly went against men’s orders. Shepard suspected that if she did end up married to Sir Alenko, it wouldn’t be prison. But she still couldn’t be sure that it would be what made her happy. Fondness wasn’t the goal, love was.

“I don’t know,” she began, turning away, “and I would rather not find out.” 

She stormed away from the stables and toward the house, hoping nothing would stand in her way that would ruin her day any further. The last thing she’d wanted when she left from the house that morning was to come across Sir Alenko, and if she could at least avoid him for the rest of the day, at least she wouldn’t need to punch a wall.

Inside, she heard low whispers in one of the parlors, and tried to determine which it was, that way she could go the absolute opposite direction. Unfortunately, she chose wrong. 

“Shepard, darling,” Anderson called from the west parlor. She cringed, and stepped inside the room. He and Kahlee were sitting in both of the floral armchairs, having drinks. “How was your ride?”

“Fine,” she said.

“Sir Alenko came looking for you.”

Shepard nodded. “I found him.”

Anderson rubbed his temples. “Did you yell at him?”

Shepard held her hands behind her back and straightened up. “I didn’t yell.”

“But you were harsh to him?” he followed up.

“I was clear with him. That’s a better word for it.”

Anderson sighed. “Shepard, darling, I wish you would give it a chance. Get to know him at least. He’s just come into a lot of land, valuable land. He has a title, goodness. Years ago, you were on the street, no money, no home. And you have all this. If you marry him, nearly no one would be able to touch you. You would have more than the life you have now.”

She noticed he didn’t say “the life I’ve given you”, because he’d done it before, and it went poorly. She didn’t need to say thank you for him to know how grateful she was. She knew that for all he’d done, she ought to be perfect, but it was difficult as ever. And he never held it against her. She was who she was.

Kahlee put a hand on Anderson’s shoulder and shook her head. “Darling, no. The girl doesn’t want to hear your politics behind the marriage. Miss, please come with me for a moment.”

Kahlee stood up and lead Shepard out of the room, an arm around her back. Shepard always liked Kahlee. She was the one to always ask if she needed something, the one to offer motherly words of wisdom. She loved Anderson, of course, but he was a father. And he was a strong, strong man who meant the best, but didn’t always know how to play to Shepard’s emotions very well. Kahlee did.

“Darling, he doesn’t mean to make it sound like you’re a bargaining chip.”

Shepard nodded. “I know. He doesn’t need me to win him any favor.”

“He wants the best for you. That’s where this all comes from, dear. It’s because your situation is so particular, that he knows if you can secure a good husband, people will think more favorably of you. It’s out of love, you must know that.”

Shepard sighed. “I’m aware. And I mean no disrespect, it’s just… Marriage is a contract, not love. And saying someone is my husband won’t make me love them. I… I hoped that if I did have to marry, it would be someone I would love. That it would be my choice, like it was yours.”

Kahlee smiled fondly, but also with the utmost sympathy. “I understand, dear. I do. I am lucky, and not everyone can have the same fortune, and it deeply upsets me. But if it helps you at all, I loathed David at first. I thought he was arrogant and irritating. But sometimes you need to give things a chance. I gave him a chance, and I found to quite like him. And over the years, it’s been nothing but happiness. We do quite love each other. Love can be found if you dare to look for it, my dear.”

Shepard knew she was right. Kahlee had never been wrong before, and while she had reason to doubt her now, she didn’t think Kahlee’s luck and wisdom would be wrong now. 

“Thank you.”

Kahlee smiled. “Of course. Give him a chance. And if you decide that he is absolutely the most vile creature you’ve ever know and despise the thought of marrying him, I will have my way with David and you will be free to find someone else.”

Shepard had no choice but to smile back. “You would challenge him?”

Kahlee straightened up and scoffed jokingly. “Challenge? You think it would be hard? I have that man wrapped around my finger. That’s the thing about men, dear. They think they’re in control, but once you have them in the palm of your hand, they’re helpless to you. David and I are going away for several days to visit some family, to meet my sister’s new baby, and are leaving the house to you and Sir Alenko. Perhaps this will give you an opportunity to get to know one another better, dear.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Spend a little time together. Even small doses can make a drastic difference in the way you see one another. Please, dear. For me.”

While Shepard thought that tying Sir Alenko up and locking him in a closet until Anderson and Kahlee came back sounded far nicer, she was never to say no to Kahlee. And because of that, she had no idea what the days they’d have alone might bring.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard knew that Elizabeth, the house cook, didn’t make noise in the kitchen. She was small and quiet, and so stealthy she appeared behind you when you let your guard down for just a second. She was a delightful woman, and she made incredible food for the family, but she was very clearly not here right now.

“Bloody,” she heard someone mutter under their breath. 

Shepard had spent most of her afternoon in her room, reading and hiding from Sir Alenko, knowing he was one of the only people she’d bump into now that Anderson and Kahlee had left on their trip to visit Kahlee’s new niece. She promised not to murder her betrothed, but that was all she promised. Locking him in a closet was still an option that she’d bounced around her head a few times as she heard him moving about the manor.

But now, he might have been ransacking their things, looking for money or valuables, to run out and escape during the night. She picked herself up from her bed, fixing the loose pink fabric of her dress and arranging her hair in the mirror. Shepard’s summer attire was always somewhat soft and casual, light colored dresses, some that she’d stitched together and arranged herself, adding in her own elements of rebelliousness, and hardly ever donning shoes. Her hair was constantly swept up into some kind of haphazard bun. And many would say she dressed improper, but who did she have to impress?

As she left her room, she grabbed a thick, leatherbound book, prepared to bash Kaidan’s head in, if need be. If he was snooping and trying to steal belongings, closet it was. Shepard had taken out her fair share of grown men in her time, and she wasn’t afraid to add one more to her list.

She crept downstairs to the kitchen, and instead of finding Kaidan stealing all of their belongings, she found him… cooking? 

He was bent over the cook stove, large pot in front of him. He’d been chopping vegetables and had a cask of wine placed against the counter, a full glass near him. His hair had fallen out of place, and he’d fully unbuttoned his vest. He looked less like Sir Kaidan Alenko, a wealthy land owner who was going to force her into marriage and doom her to be a complacent housewife. He looked simply Kaidan.

“What are you doing?”

Kaidan looked up from his distracted state and smiled, a subtle, small smile that Shepard had to believe was genuine. “I sent the workers home for the day. They work long enough hours as is, and I think thunderstorms are rolling through soon. And besides….”

“What?” she said, crossing her arms.

“I would like to cook for you. Most of our interactions have been less than spectacular and pleasant. I want to at least offer you some sort of token of apology for the unfortunate circumstances that brought us together.”

There was a twinge of sadness in his voice, and it made Shepard wonder. Did he actually want to marry her? He gained no benefit from her, no political or social favor. The only thing he would gain was a wife. And she had no doubts that women weren’t throwing themselves at him. He was handsome, mostly kind, and wealthy. He could have nearly any woman, but something told her that she was the one he wanted.

“Oh.”

“If you would rather I track down food, instead of cooking, I would be happy to oblige with such. I should have asked your permission first.”

She broke a subtle smile. “It’s fine. Just surprising. I’d offer my help, but I’m afraid I’d burn down the house.”

He smiled back. “Then I’ll handle it, miss. Not to worry. Just sit and enjoy yourself. Enjoy the spectacle.”

Shepard crossed the kitchen, sitting on a stool near the stove and opened up her book, a smile tugging at her lips. She was more than amused to see someone of such stature with flour residue on his face and hands, and cursing under his breath every time he dropped a small piece of food on the ground. She tried to keep to herself, and especially not laugh at him.

“Miss Shepard, do I hear you stifling a laugh over there?” he asked, a smile quirking out of the corner of his mouth. He paused what he was doing and turned his head to her, a lock of thick dark hair falling to his forehead. He lazily tried to blow it back in place, but it stayed put.

“Of course not, sir. Why would I laugh at you? It’s not like you look ridiculous trying to cook or something.”

He stood straight up and crossed his arms. “Me? Look ridiculous? Perish the thought, dear. I’ll have you know I am extremely skilled in the kitchen.”

Shepard straightened up and crossed her arms in response. “It seems as though I’ve wounded your manly ego.”

“My ego is not that fragile, my dear.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Oh please. All men’s egos are flimsy as tissue paper.”

“Thankfully, I know how to cook chicken better than I know how to take joking criticism,” he said.  
“Oh, it wasn’t joking,” she said, biting at the edge of her nail. 

“Come here,” he said. “Help me get our dinner out.”

Shepard set her book aside and joined him at the stove, helping him to move the pot from the stove to the countertop. He pulled two plates from the pantry and set them on the counter as well. He took a moment to pause, and walked her over to the kitchen table, pulling her chair out for her. She glanced up at him in somewhat surprise and he just gestured for her to sit. He placed a glass of wine in front of her as well.

“I will get your food, Miss. Do not worry.”

Kaidan stepped away from the table and began preparing their meals on two plates. She looked down and broke the tiniest of smiles.

He must want me, she thought, watching the not so coy smile tugging at his lips as he rounded the table to sit across from her. He’d prepared a chicken dish with fresh vegetables on the side. The room filled with the sweet smells of the meal, something so savory. The table they sat at was small, and usually occupied by Shepard, Anderson, and Kahlee. It was where they ate their family dinners, and she always felt younger than she was there. She felt like she belonged to a family, not that she could ever be a member of her own. 

But sitting across the table from Kaidan, dinner and drinks between them, she felt something different. She felt adult, like there was a chance for a life to exist that she created on her own, or led on her own. And she had absolutely never felt that way before. She always saw herself as someone who just followed what Anderson told her, where he lead her. She was her own person, but she never saw herself having a life outside of here.

“Kaidan,” she said, her voice low, hesitant.

“Yes?”

“Thank you. This is really nice, and you didn’t have to.”

He gave a warm smile, something that made her feel at home. “Of course, miss. I… I know there’s a million reasons for you to ultimately reject my offer, but I would like to give you at least one to counter that.”

Shepard felt a knot grow in her stomach. The time she spent with Kaidan felt less like her spending time with her future husband, but more being close friends with someone. It was hard for her to imagine him in a romantic sense. He’d been her friend for many years, but to think about marrying him, being his wife, being romantically linked, something about it sent her nerves running. But now, she wasn’t sure if it was excitement or fear.

“Can we… move?” she asked.

He narrowed his eyes. “Where do you suggest?”

Shepard looked over to the open spot in the living room, just before the crackling fireplace. She nudged her head and smiled. Kaidan laughed under his breath and nodded. 

“Alright. Into the fireplace, then,” he said.

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“Let’s go over there then. Hang on, dear.”

He got up first, spreading a blanket from the chest on the floor. He piled several pillows around them, and carried both their dinners over to their little indoor picnic table. Shepard followed and sit down where he placed her food. He sat down as well, and the two divulged into their meals. They made casual small talk, but really, Shepard was mostly busy shoving the food in her mouth. It was delicious, and she had to wonder where someone like him learned to cook like this. 

But what she did notice was that he watched her intently all through dinner. He made eye contact with her enough, but without making her uncomfortable. He drank in every word she happened to say, even if it was about something as banal as how Anderson likes the grass cut. Kaidan listened to it all.

And Shepard couldn’t say she wasn’t doing the same. It was the first time since they’d become betrothed that she found herself deeply listening to everything he said, hearing stories about his parents, about their orchard. She was actively enjoying it.

“Miss Shepard, may I make a confession?” he said, pouring her another glass of wine.

They’d finished nearly the whole thing, and she could feel her head beginning to go fuzzy, and her entire body felt warm, in combination with the fireplace at first. Kaidan had wrapped a blanket around her, letting her bundle up. He’d discarded his vest, throwing it on the chair behind him and undid a few buttons of his shirt. And it felt as if the rest of the house didn’t matter, what mattered was happening right there in the living room.

“I don’t see why not.”

Kaidan leaned forward, just slightly closer to her, twirling his glass of wine. He laughed under his breath and looked away. With the fire glowing onto the both of them, she was realizing how astonishingly handsome he was, a very classic type of man. But he still looked boyish in a way, someone safe, someone she could maybe trust in time.

“When Anderson first spoke to me about you, I was… scared.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Because I know you, and I know how you care for your free will. I never saw myself taking that from you, but I… I worried you would loathe me, just because we were set to marry. And…”

She looked up at him. “Yes?”

“I detested the thought. I wanted you to care, wanted you to want this too. Because the moment Anderson mentioned it to me, something inside me was very happy. I loved the idea. You - well - I cared for you, and I care even more now.”

Shepard’s entire body tensed up. She already knew it. Men didn’t do such kind things unless they did care. Kaidan saw her as an equal, if not more, and wanted to win her affection. She never thought in a million years she’d see a man do such a thing.

“You know,” she said, words falling out of her mouth faster than she could keep up with. “Most men wouldn’t want someone like me. They want someone pure, and dainty, and delicate, and complacent. I’m… I’m none of that, Kaidan. I’m what some call a heathen.”

He reached a hand forward, gently placing it on hers. “You are not. You are a wonderfully beautiful woman. And if you have not made your decision to marry me or not, I only wish to tell you to take your time. It’s not something any person should take lightly.”

He leaned in closer, scooting forward on the carpet to be near her. Shepard’s heart began to race, wondering if he was doing what he was planning on doing. She’d broken nearly all the rules of being a proper young lady in her time, but this was the first time the thought of a kiss made her nervous. All dinner, she’d been looking at the soft curve of his lips and wondering what they would feel like on her own. Maybe it was the alcohol or the quiet, relaxed mood, but she was actively wondering what kissing him would be like. 

She began to meet him halfway, their lips so close to touching. She could practically taste him, and she was already envisioning how his stubbly cheeks would feel against her skin. She just had to shut her eyes and let the rest of the matter happen. She felt Kaidan take in a deep breath, and she saw him part his lips. 

A single crack of thunder rang out across the lands, shaking the entire house. Kaidan jumped, stepping back from the kiss, and accidentally putting a hand on his plate, hand now sticky and full of leftover food.

“Oh, goodness,” he said, searching for a napkin. “Looks like the storms have arrived. Here, let me take that.”

He reached for Shepard’s plate, taking it back into the kitchen. Shepard frowned, and stopped him quickly.

“Kaidan.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

She paused a moment, twiddling her fingers. “What does marriage mean to you?”

He placed the plates on the counter and sighed. “I suppose it means lifelong companionship. But… I see how it could be different for you.”

“You want to care about who you marry?”

He nodded. “Very much so. I always figured if I was going to spend my life with someone, have children with them, I should love them. Don’t you agree?”

“I do,” she said, “but… I’m afraid that’s a privilege a woman can’t afford all the time, don’t you suppose?”

He sighed. “Yes. I do. Unfortunately. Which is why I said what I did. I want this to be your choice, and whatever it is, I will care for you.”

There was a moment of silence. Shepard collected herself and stood up. She could hardly think about what he’d just said while in his presence. She needed more time than probably normal to figure out what she really did want. 

“Well, okay,” she replied.

“You can go back to your room, miss. I will take care of the dishes and cleaning up. And if I don’t see you before bed, goodnight.”

Shepard nodded, bidding him goodbye, and snuck up to her room. She pulled the door shut behind her and leaned against it, slowly sliding herself down the wood. She sat at the foot of the door and sighed, running her fingers through her red hair.

And she stayed in her room the rest of the night, but her thoughts brought her back to wherever he was staying. It monopolized them all. It was one of the most restless nights she’d had in a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4

“Good morning, Miss Shepard,” Kaidan said as she entered the kitchen. “You’re up rather early.”

Shepard crossed her arms and smiled. He was seated at the dining table, having a cup of tea and deep in reading. She couldn’t see what specifically he was reading, but he seemed interested, and hardly looked up to speak to her right away.

“Considering you are dressed and ready for the day, I’d say you’re up rather early as well, Sir Alenko.”

He finally looked up, leaning his elbow against the table, and balancing his chin on it. He still looked tired, a faint sleepiness around his eyes, but also a fresh look, something boyish and charming that she always saw. But it seemed more evident now that the sunlight shone through the windows and onto his hair and face. He’d skipped styling his hair for the day, letting the curls fall loose, and just the faintest remains of stubble sat on his cheeks.

“I’m almost incapable of sleeping late,” he started, waving his hand frustratedly, “and I’m always to bed early. Damn regular sleeping patterns.”

“Mmm what a curse,” she said.

He glanced out the window, shutting his eyes as the sun hit them. “It looks like we have a break in the rain. Might I suggest doing something while we have the sun out?”

“Might you?” she teased. “Of course. Did you have something in mind, or would you leave such up to me?” 

He stood up, shutting his book and coming near her. “I would love to hear your suggestions, dear.”

“Come with me,” she said, reaching for his hand. Shepard brought him outside, toward the stables. She had worn a dress today, something flowy and light because the summer heat had attacked from sunup. The house sweltered and baked them inside, and the best option was to let the air out by opening all the windows. Even Kaidan was dressed casually. He just wore pants and boots, with a white shirt on top, sleeves rolled up his arms.

At the stables, Shepard brought him over to Willow’s stall and petted the horse. “Kaidan, this is Willow. She’s mine.”

“You ride?” he asked.

She nodded. “I do. It’s how I get away when things drive me up the wall.”

He smiled. “Interesting.”

“You’ve ridden a horse before, correct?” 

Kaidan nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, of course.”

“You haven’t.”

He immediately straightened up and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I absolutely have, miss. Are you really doubting me?”

Shepard smiled and opened the gate to Willow’s stall. She lured the horse out with a handful of food, and shook her head. “Let’s see about that.”

She slid the saddle onto Willow’s back and pulled herself up and grabbed the reins. She extended a hand out to Kaidan and helped him onto the horse. He warily sat behind her. She smiled. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling himself against her. Something flipped in her stomach, thinking that if she did ultimately marry him, there would be endless nights of him pulled up against her, his lips just inches from her neck, both of them sound asleep. And while this was different, it offered her a glimpse of what could be. There’d been plenty of those lately.

“You’ve never ridden a horse before,” she asserted.

“My apologies, miss. I wasn’t aware that was a qualification for spending time with you.”

“it isn’t,” she added. “but it gives me plenty of reasons to tease you for it. You own an orchard, my goodness! How do you get around?”

“I walk, and for your information, I oversee most of the operations, not actually going to pick apples and things.”

Shepard laughed, gripping at the reins tighter. She directed Willow forward, out of the stables. She felt Kaidan’s grip on her waist tighten, and his entire body stiffen. Shepard laughed under her breath and leaned her head back.

“Hang on back there,” she teased.

Kaidan rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh, hiding how nervous he was. Shepard pulled back on the reins and snapped them, sending Willow galloping forward through the rows of trees, lining Anderson’s land. Kaidan held on so tight that Shepard thought he might dislocate his shoulders. Thankfully, she was tough enough to deal with a grown man holding onto her for dear life. It wasn’t a first, and it damn well wasn’t going to be the last.

Anderson’s lands were large, and full of bright trees that were blossoming in the spring and summer. The fields were green, and fresh from the rain. She felt the spray from the trees dripping from the storm the night before onto their heads. 

They road for some time, all the way out, toward the open field at the edges of their property. It was where she came to clear her head, and it was her spot. She couldn’t imagine sharing it with anyone else, but now seemed right as ever. She wanted Kaidan to see the places she came when the world was too loud, and she felt like he would begin to understand her in enough time if she let him in on these secrets. 

She drew the horse to a stop and wiggled, signalling for Kaidan to let go of her and climb off the horse. His knuckles were white and he had closed his eyes. She felt him shaking slightly, and then once he realized the horse had stopped moving, he opened them and cleared his throat.

“Well… um… we’re here,” he said. “Wherever… that is.”

Kaidan hopped off the horse, wobbling on his feet and looking around. Shepard followed, leading Willow over to a patch of grass up ahead. 

“This is the edge of Anderson’s lands, and it’s where I come when… I don’t know… when I need a break from everything.”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded. “It’s rather beautiful.”

“I think so too,” she said, stepping closer to him. He sat down on the grass, and almost immediately frowned. He shook beads of water off his hands, but she joined him anyway. The ground was wet and it soaked through both of their clothing, but the sun was slowly soaking up the remaining dampness on the grass.

“Thank you for taking me here. If it’s important to you, then it must mean you are warming up to me a little bit.”

Shepard glanced over at him and nodded. “I am. Slowly, but surely.”

Kaidan broke a smile. “I… I did want to talk to you about this entire situation. I felt like it was important that we discuss how we feel.”

The knot in Shepard’s throat grew. “Okay.”

“Anderson and Miss Sanders will be coming back soon. I know she spoke to you about giving me a chance, and they’re going to expect things once they return. I know Anderson is harsher than you’d like and eager to marry you off, but i don’t want you to feel forced into anything.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I know they’re going to want to hear something from me. I… I don’t know what to tell them.”

He sighed. “Well, let’s work that out. You can practice on me. Pretend I’m them.”

Shepard laughed and rolled her eyes. “You’re a little young, and a little masculine for Miss Sanders, Kaidan.”

“It helps to practice,” he nudged.

Shepard frowned and sighed as well. “I don’t know what to tell them. Is it wrong if I want to take it slower and decide for myself?””

He shook his head. “Absolutely not. I think that sounds very sensible.”

“What about you?” she asked. “Do you want to marry me?”

He paused, picking grass from the ground. He looked puzzled, but like there was an answer on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to be honest, but didn’t know what words should come out. Shepard reached over and placed a hand on top of his. He looked up and sighed.

“I don’t know. I just know that something felt right, felt fair, when you said you wanted to take it slower and learn if you could love me.”

She saw his jaw clench and his body tense up. Shepard thought about her word choice very carefully and swallowed. 

“I believe there’s a chance, that you and I could work, that we could be happy together. I really do. And I would be willing to try.”

He slid closer to her and slid a hand across her lap to the side of her legs. “What a scary thing to try and figure out if the person right in front of you is who you are meant to be with.”

She drew her eyes down to his hand, against her hip. She placed hers on top of his. “Terrifying, but I’m not afraid to take the jump.”

Kaidan smiled and brought his hand up to her cheek. “Good. We can figure out everything else as we go along, dear.”

Thunder cracked off in the distance, and Willow neighed in fear. She bucked in place, and quickly bolted back for the stables. Shepard jumped to her feet and went to chase the horse, but she knew she had no chance of catching up. 

“Damn,” she muttered under her breath. 

“It’s alright. I guess we can walk back,” Kaidan said from behind her. 

“She has a fear of thunder. And it looks like rain is rolling in again. I hope you’re alright with getting a little wet,” she said, turning around and crossing her arms. 

A spray of rain came down from the sky, and she knew it was going to be one of very many. 

“No problem,” Kaidan said, following behind her. 

Shepard started walking, slightly displeased as more and more rain poured down on them. She knew Kaidan wasn’t too far behind, but she turned back around to check anyway. Instead, she found him looking at the sky, walking slower than she wanted.

“What are you doing?”

“You know, everyone always runs for shelter once the rain picks up, but nobody really stops to enjoy it.”

“And you do?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan bit down on his lip. The water started soaking through his white shirt, accentuating the curves and muscles in his body. She couldn’t keep herself from staring. For a moment, she thought that it would be all too easy to convince herself she loved him. She was beginning to feel it, just looking at him now.

“Of course.”

“Well, unfortunately, we’re getting completely soaked out here, so we should get a move on before someone gets struck by lightning.”

Shepard charged away, trying to take shelter under a tree before her dress took on any extra water. But she felt soft hands curl around her wrist and turn her around. Kaidan’s arms came around her, and he pressed his lips to hers. At first, it came as a shock. She’d thought about kissing him many times, but she wasn’t expecting it to happen this quickly.

His lips were soft and gentle, and he drew one hand up to her cheek and parted his lips for another kiss. The rain poured down on them, soaking through both of their clothing. Shepard knew that if the situation were different, she’d be freezing cold and miserable, but here, with Kaidan’s arms around her, his lips against hers, she was happy and content. 

She slid her arms to his shoulders, and around his neck, pulling herself against his body as much as she could. As he breathed in and out, his lips planting the softest, most hypnotizing kissing against hers, she felt all the ridges and curves of his body, and she had to think that this was what he meant by learning. Kaidan’s thumb slid against her jaw, tilting her face up, their mouths meeting again. She wrapped her fingers in the soaked curls at the back of his neck and took in the sweet taste of his lips on hers. His dark scruff brushed against her cheeks, and left the faintest tickle and scratch against her skin.

He pulled away, his thumb tracing along her bottom lip. She glanced up at him and gave a soft smile.

“It’s a start,” she said.

He smiled back. “A start. I like that.”

He leaned in again, just a faint brush of a kiss, but enough to send chills all over her body. She trailed her hands down his chest and to his waist, keeping him close. The rain had completely drenched them, and her pale dress clung to her, as did his shirt, but she’d never felt more content in another person’s presence before.

“Now,” he said, “since you were so eager to get out of the rain, let’s head inside.”

She glanced up at him and laughed. “Yes, let’s. Unless you like your kissing paired with freezing to death.”

He stepped forward, holding out a hand for her. She took it, weaving her fingers between his. 

“No. Typically I like my kissing paired with something like this,” he said, his eyes moving down to their hands.

Shepard blushed and looked away until the redness faded from her cheeks. “Well, I guess today is your lucky day then.”


	5. Chapter 5

Kaidan woke up with the taste of her on his lips. He hadn’t stopped imagining it, even after they’d both gone their separate ways for the night. Part of him couldn’t even believe that it had happened. It was slightly shameful, but he had feelings for her long before Anderson even approached him to marry her. She was just always so radiant and commanded attention, and he was always kind to follow. As wonderful as the other women she acquainted herself with were, there was something so different about her, some kind of secret that he wanted to unlock and figure out. 

But he certainly wasn’t surprised when she despised the thought of having to marry him. Firstly, he was a friend, someone who she’d known for years now. Of course there’d be some hesitation. Was it worth the damage to a friendship to give in to a safe marriage? And second, he never saw Shepard marrying anyone. She was someone who seemed so strong on her own that a man would only dampen that. And truthfully, now that he was the man in question, he didn’t think he was wrong. 

They’d come far in a few short days, and it gave him some hope that there could be a happy ending to their story. One where they’d both be happy. And he wanted to make her happy. He had some hope that together, they could find love, even if it took time. 

He was in the living room when he heard the front doors open and Sir Anderson and Miss Sanders enter the house. He knew Shepard would be happy to see them again, but at the same time, he knew it also meant he’d have to leave. He’d arranged for a way back to the family’s manor early that afternoon, and dreaded having to say goodbye to her. He didn’t know the next time he’d see her again.

Sir Anderson and Miss Sanders came into the living room and greeted him. They looked very relaxed and calm from their several days away, but absolutely happy to be home.

“Looks like our temporary house guest settled in nicely,” Anderson said, extending a hand to Kaidan. He took it and stood from the chair he was sitting in.

“I am, and it will certainly be strange to leave now. I’ve grown to quite like it here.”

“Really now?” 

Miss Sanders sighed, relieved. “I’m just so glad we didn’t find you locked in a closet somewhere.”

Kaidan gave an amused smile. It wasn’t too far fetched of an idea. In fact, at one point early on, he may have even heard Shepard mutter it under her breath. 

“No, she did no such thing.”

“And has all improved between you two?” Anderson asked.

Kaidan took in a breath, but nodded. “I think so, sir. I would say there was some change, but I would much rather leave that decision to her. I’m sure that Miss Shepard could give you a much better answer than I could.”

“Where is she, speaking of?”

Kaidan shrugged. “Probably in her room. She spends most of her time there, as I’m sure you’ve figured out.”

“Ah, yes. Well, she’ll join us when she’s feeling up to it. Thank you again for staying with her. I hope it did you two a service, rather than an inconvenience.”

Kaidan knew to keep his mouth shut. He could say what he felt, that he believed he and Shepard were on great terms, and that they both seemed willing to continue their relationship, but he knew that if he gave them the slightest hint that they were doing very well, she’d never hear the end of it. It would automatically no longer be her choice.

“It was my pleasure, sir. If it's alright, before I leave, I’d like to say goodbye to her. I’m not quite sure when I’ll be able to return. It could be some time.”

They both nodded, letting Kaidan make his way up the stairs. He felt his palms beginning to sweat, and his heart racing. God, he was a grown man, and he was letting himself get all worked up over a woman. He knew that if he ever had this kind of reaction in front of Ashley, she’d never stop bringing it up and would call him a baby a hundred different ways.

He approached Shepard’s door and knocked twice, waiting for a reply.

“Come in!” she chimed.

He opened the door slowly and stepped inside. She was sitting at her vanity, trying to pin her wavy, red hair back, but pieces kept falling out. Finally, she swept it into a messy bun and tied it with a ribbon. She turned around, and straightened out her dress when she saw who it was.

“I wanted to take the chance to say goodbye before I was on my way,” he said, clearing his throat. 

She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded, looking somewhat frustrated. “Of course. You have to leave?”

He nodded. “I’m afraid so. I really should be getting back to the family, and working, of course. I just wasn’t sure when I’d come back, that’s all.”

It was peculiar, because if they were to be married, it wasn’t like their relationship would end here because they were parting for some time. It was a strange separation, one that was tugging at him. He so badly wanted her to come with him, or to just stay here. Things had been so great, that he couldn’t bear to leave now, not when she made him feel like he was floating. 

“Oh, I see. Well…”

She stood up and came closer to him, one hand resting on his cheek. He brought his hand up to hold hers, against his face. “I’m disappointed too.”

She nodded. “But you have to do your job, I understand.”

There was a stillness between both of them that was making Kaidan’s heart race faster than it was before. Of course, what happened between them the other day in the field was wonderful, but there was definitely a hesitation of knowing if they could do it again. She slid a hand down to the collar of his shirt and pressed herself against his chest. He took her in his arms and hung on tight. Neither of them wanted to let go.

“You are welcome to come with me, of course,” he said.

She paused and stepped back. “Come with you? Stay at your house?”

He nodded. “Yes. If you’d like though. It’s entirely your choice. It would just… it would make it so that the next time we saw one another wouldn’t be indefinite.”

“I… I don’t know,” she started, “if I’d known sooner, I would have been able to make a more conscious choice, but…”

“I know. If you’d like to join me, you can, but if not, I will see you the next time I visit, and we can pick up from there, I suppose.”

She gripped tighter at the fabric of his shirt. She took in a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can come with you. It’s… it’s very last minute, Kaidan.”

“I understand,” he said, but did feel a small pang of sorrow, hearing they’d have to part.

“But can you do something for me?”

“Of course, dear,” he replied, reaching for one of her hands. 

“Kiss me, good enough to last me until next time,” she demanded. And who was he to say no?

He leaned forward, placing his lips against hers. Immediately, she grabbed onto him, her arms securely around his shoulders, and standing on her toes. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, knowing she might fall over if he let go. She tugged him toward her bed, a large one, filled with very intricate pillows and a beautiful canopy, and leaned back. There was a moment of hesitation, but he climbed on as well. His hands moved down her body as she refused to let him go. She sighed his name between each kiss and gripped tightly at his hair. If anyone happened to walk in at the moment, there would most definitely be trouble, but this moment belonged to them.

She moved her lips down the side of his neck, gentle kisses along his freshly shaven skin, and it sent shivers up his spine. He directed her back to his lips, where he kissed her harder, pressing their bodies firmer against one another. They both wanted more and there was no doubt about that. He could tell it was her wish too by the way she absolutely wouldn’t let go of him. They’d only shared one kiss before this one, and right now, the thought of stopping sounded like the worst idea in the world. 

Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and both of them jumped to attention. Kaidan slid away, helping her off the bed. She fixed her hair and he smoothed out his dress, and she checked his face to make sure there were no signs of makeup in any unfavorable places. She nodded at him, to assure him all was well with her, and he pushed just one stray hair from her face, and met it with a smile.

The footsteps passed and they both took a deep breath. She stepped closer to him again, toying with the collar of his jacket.

“I’ll miss you,” she said.

He nodded. “And I will miss you terribly.”

She swallowed. “But I shouldn’t hold you up.”

“Are you sure that you wouldn’t like to come?”

She blushed. “Trust me, I would. I just… I don’t know.”

“It’s quite alright, dear. I will be back as soon as I possibly can.”

“Good. You’d better.”

He leaned forward again, pressing his lips to her forehead, a long, but gentle kiss. And then he departed. It took everything in him to not beg her to come with him. He wanted her by his side for the long journey back, and to introduce her to his parents and to Ashley, and make it feel like there was a real chance they could be together. 

He said one more goodbye to Sir Anderson and Miss Sanders, thanking them for allowing him to stay. Outside, he packed his things into the carriage waiting for him, and definitely took his time leaving. He hoped there could be a chance that she might change her mind and join him, but the longer he waited, the less likely it seemed. Finally, he sighed, and stepped into the carriage.

 

Behind him, he heard the door open, and small footsteps rush out.

“Kaidan, wait!”

He turned around, and saw a slightly frazzled, shoeless Shepard rushing toward him, across the front lawn. He stepped out of the carriage and met her as she threw herself at him.

“I changed my mind,” she said.

He smiled and cupped her face with his hands. “I can see that, my dear.”

“How much time do I have to pack my things?”

He leaned forward, kissing her softly and stroking her cheek. “For you, I’d wait forever.”

She blushed, let go of him, and ran back into the house.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard woke up when the carriage hit an aggressive bump, and came to a stop. She stretched, completely unaware that she’d fallen asleep in Kaidan’s lap. He had shifted his position to lean against the wall of the carriage, and held her against him nicely. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Kaidan had a hand resting in her hair, playing with the strands between his fingers. 

“Are we here?” she mumbled. She was worried he didn’t even understand her.

He laughed softly and nodded. “Yes, we’re here.”

Shepard sat up and regained her balance, leaning against Kaidan’s shoulder. He looked down at her, pushing her hair back into place in her messy bun and making sure her dress was in order before helping her out of the carriage. 

She hesitated a moment, gripping at the fabric of his shirt. She sighed and looked away. She hadn’t been afraid of anything in a long time, but knowing that his family could disapprove of her - especially someone like her - so easily weighed on her heavily. She hadn’t even wanted to marry him days ago. But now, losing him felt too raw already.

“What if they don’t like me?” she asked.

He smiled, stroking a thumb across her freckles. “I don’t think that will be much of an issue. Here…”

He helped her up and out of the carriage. She wobbled to her feet for a moment, and took his hand. The house they’d pulled up to was large, with an expansive pond in front. It was yellow, a soft yellow, with brown shutters and several columns across the front porch. She could see behind the house, where rows and rows of trees on the orchard swayed with the wind along the hills.

“Kaidan, this is beautiful.”

He smiled. “It’s home. Come on, let’s go inside, dear. We can come back out for our things later.”

Kaidan slid an arm around her waist and lead her toward the front of the house and through the front door. The interior was just as exquisite as the exterior. There was plenty of finished wood around the walls and the floors, with extravagant molding around the ceilings. Sir Anderson’s house was beautiful, but the Alenko manor was something in a new league. 

It didn’t take long for someone to detect that they were back. Hurried footsteps echoed around the upstairs, and excited laughter followed. The foyer consisted of two large curved staircases leading to the top level, where a woman who looked very much so like Kaidan appeared and hopped up and down.

“You’re back!” she cried, rushing down the stairs.  
She quickly threw her arms around him, knocking him back. He looked to Shepard and gave her an expression that explained “yes, this is in fact somewhat normal”, and set the woman on the ground. 

“Ashley…” he said, as if she were some over eager puppy that needed calming.

“I missed you.”

“Did you?” he asked, crossing his arms. “And I assume that the orchard is well taken care of, that you took care of the trees while I was away.”

Ashley smiled and bounced up and down a few times. “You know you missed me too. But I see you have a lot to tell me considering you brought a girl home. That hasn’t happened in, well, years - oh goodness - wow, that is sad-.”

“Ashley!” he snapped. “Miss Shepard, may I introduce you to my cousin, Ashley. I assure you the bouncing and shrieking will stop shortly.”

“No it won’t,” Ashley said. She stepped closer to Shepard and pulled her into her arms. She didn’t know how much Ashley knew about the situation, but she assumed it was enough. Perhaps she’d been in on the information since Kaidan set out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you! My cousin hasn’t brought home a woman as beautiful as you in ages. Well, maybe never. I think you and I are going to be very good friends.”

Ashley let go of Shepard, and held onto her hands, glancing back and forth at the two of them, waiting for more of an explanation.

“So…” she began. “Are you… are you going to marry her?” 

Kaidan crossed his arms again. “Ashley, I will have time to explain the situation later, but for now, please refrain from panicking my guest.”

“No, I have to talk to her. God, you don’t know how difficult it’s been without you, and how long I’ve been waiting for a girl my age to be around. I’ll help her to her room, and you can go check on your mother and father. I’m sure they want to know you didn’t die in a horrific carriage accident, or something of that nature.”

Kaidan sighed, looking to Shepard, who nodded and agreed to go with Ashley. Ashley hoisted the trunk that Shepard had brought into their home, and helped her upstairs to one of the guest rooms. It ended up being the guest room next to Kaidan’s, as Ashley explained. It was large, and reminded her quite a bit of her room at home. It had large open doors that extended onto a roof and balcony area, and they overlooked the entire orchard.

“Okay,” Ashley began, throwing the trunk on the bed. “What have you done to him?”  
Shepard turned around and crossed her arms. “What do you mean?”

“What have you done to my cousin? At the risk of sounding rude, he looks like an idiot, smiling, glancing at you every chance he gets. I’ve been around him for not even five minutes and he’s like the human equivalent of fluff that pops out of pillows.”

“Down feathers?” Shepard asked.

Ashley shook her head. “Not the point, dear. Look, okay, this is harsh, so let me calm down.”

Ashley dramatically sat herself down on the upholstered bench at the end of the bed and sighed. “Kaidan doesn’t find himself wanting people the way he seems to want you. It’s… so uncommon. He’s been hurt before, and since then, he hasn’t even taken a chance. But I… I don’t know… I think he might be in love with you. And I love him dearly, more than anything else in the world, so I only want what is best for him. And clearly, it’s you.”

Shepard’s throat dried up and she coughed several times to clear it. “W… what? I don’t know him that well. We’re taking it slow, Miss Williams. The situation is… delicate. I don’t want to push anything. I don’t even know how to describe our relationship. I don’t even know if we’re together technically. It’s very, very strange.”

“Are you happy with him?”

Shepard nodded. “I am, actually. I’ve fought left and right to not marry, but he’s the first person who has come along who I could see myself being happy with. But… I don’t know if it’s love. I’m afraid to say if it is.”

Ashley stood up and crossed her arms, nodding and mulling over what she’s said. Shepard knew maybe telling her this much already was a mistake, but she seemed the honest sort, and the sort that just wanted to help others. She prayed it was the right choice.

“I’ve been quite the nightmare myself. I haven’t wanted to marry either. Always seemed like more of a hassle to me. I understand that. But… you’re trying to make it work? How does that feel?”

“Terrifying,” Shepard choked out. “Do you know how frustrating it is to agree to try something and not know if it’s right, or if you’re making a mistake that will last you the rest of your life?”

“That’s exactly why I’m not going to stop being a royal pain any time soon. But I’ve pestered you with personal questions for long enough.”

Kaidan appeared in the doorway and leaned against it. “Ash, may I have a moment with her?”

Ashley glanced at Shepard and smiled. “Of course. I’ll come back in a bit.”

Ashley stood up, smoothing out her white and pink fringed dress and leaving the room. She winked at both of them, and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable again. Shepard took his free hand and slid her fingers between his. 

“Settling in nicely?” he asked.

She nodded. “The room is beautiful.”

“I petitioned at least eight times to have this room be mine when I was a child. I was turned down every time, because apparently we wanted our guests to have the best possible impression of our family. And now I know why they’d reserve something so nice for the guests. I can think of one in particular who deserves it.”

Shepard blushed, looking away from him. He cupped her cheek and guided her eyes back to his.

“But I also wanted to show you something,” he said.

“Hold on,” she replied, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She placed her lips against his, gentle at first, but growing more impassioned with each small kiss. His arms tightened around her and he brought a hand to the back of her head. When he held her like this, she felt safer than any place in the world. Each hot kiss drew her in more and more to him, and made her wish that he’d shut the door behind him. But for now, she’d take in the taste of his lips, his teeth gently biting her lower lip, and how each time he deepened the kiss, parting his lips wider and inviting her in more, it still didn’t feel like enough. 

“Oh - oh god,” Ashley chirped, stepping out of the room again. Shepard wasn’t sure what she was doing here, but good god, did she just want another minute or two of privacy. “I’m leaving! I’m sorry!”

Kaidan drew his lips away and sighed, almost angrily, but shook his head. “Yes, Ashley?”

“I forgot one of my shoes in here, but it’s okay. I don’t need it. Go back to.. well, that…”

“Uh huh,” Kaidan muttered, eyes still shut, ready to kiss her again. “Goodbye, Ashley.”

“Yes, I’ll see you both at dinner. God, I wish I could pretend I didn’t see that,” she muttered as she walked away.

Kaidan smiled, cupping Shepard’s face again. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. What did you want to show me?”

He nodded. “Right. That’s where I was. Come here.”

Kaidan brought her to the large open doors, and stepped out onto the balcony. However, she wasn’t expecting him to next jump over the railing. He stepped onto the roof of the house, and sat down. Of course, the roof was flat enough for it to hardly be a hazard, but it wasn’t at all what Shepard was expecting him to do.

“Kaidan, you’re not really… okay, well, maybe you are. But don’t you think this is kind of reckless?”

“I never thought I would hear you call me reckless. Of all people. Come here, love. I’ve got you.”

Shepard hesitantly stepped over the railing and kicked her shoes back into the room. She crawled next to him, and rested against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and looked out onto the orchard. The sun was setting, a painting full of oranges and pinks, and all beautiful colors in between. She slid herself between his legs. 

“You were open enough to tell me about your special place you go to when the world gets too loud, so I wanted to show you mine. I like coming up here when the sun goes down, just to think.”

She stroked her hands against his chest, toying with the strings that kept his shirt together. “What are you thinking about right now?”

He remained silent, leaning back and shutting his eyes. She hovered over him, pressing a kiss to the base of his throat. 

“You can tell me.”

“I know,” he muttered. “I just… I want to be careful.”

“Why?” 

He looked up at her, his eyes slightly glossy. “Because I care about you. I really do, and I know what happens when you care about sometime. It makes it that much easier to get hurt.”

Shepard shut her eyes, leaning forward and placing a kiss against his forehead. He held onto her, wanting her to stay just like that. “No one’s going to get hurt here. I promise that. And if someone hurt you in the past, well… they don’t matter. But we do.”

He smiled faintly. “So we’re still good to keep trying?”

“I think we’re past trying at this point. I want you.”

“Then you’d better come here,” he whispered, pulling her close and on top of him. She slid her hands around his neck, letting him grab onto her and kiss her, harder than before. She’d never felt so warm, so safe, and it was rather strange considering he had her hanging off a roof. Their bodies pressed against one another, and she wished so badly that Kaidan wasn’t such a damn decent man. His lips feathered down her neck, to the hem of her dress, where she felt chills spread all over her body. She whispered his name and pulled him closer, feeling more of his teeth and the soft press of his tongue against her skin. 

As time passed, they’d kissed over nearly every exposed part of their body, but it just wasn’t enough. He’d unbuttoned his shirt considerably, and she’d lowered her sleeves. If anyone saw them like this, there was a chance of trouble, but she couldn’t care less. Not with him around. 

“This is really beautiful,” she said, out of breath.

He glanced over, weaving his fingers between hers and smiling. “I know, and my god, so are you.”


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard hadn’t seen Kaidan since lunch time, and quite frankly, she was growing rather lonely. They’d gone outside to eat, but something was off about him. He seemed tired and rather disconnected, but she’d spent most of the time curled up against him, overlooking the orchard. He hadn’t stopped her.

But later in the evening, the Alenkos had decided to go visit a neighbor for dinner, and Ashley had gone with, presumably to meet the family’s younger son. Both Shepard and Kaidan doubted anything would come of it, but she tagged along nonetheless. However, now, it was pouring rain, and thunder rumbled deep in the sky. The storm was moving closer, and was starting to rattle the house.

Shepard had curled up on the couch in the parlor with a book for the night, but noticed that Kaidan hadn’t come down for dinner either. It wasn’t like him to just vanish, and she also was beginning to realize that if Kaidan wasn’t hungry or searching for food, something was wrong. He was always on some wild quest for something to eat.

She closed her book, folding over the corner of the page, and setting it on the table. She’d changed out of her clothes, for something a little more casual for the rest of the night. When the entire family had left just her and Kaidan around, she assumed it meant she was fine to do as she pleased and be a little more herself. Kaidan never seemed to fault her for that.

Upstairs, it was even quieter. The only sounds Shepard heard now was the dripping coming from the roof as rain pelted down. It was actually rather calming, and she was looking forward to settling in for the night. Several doors down from the stairwell, she stopped at Kaidan’s door, hesitating before figuring out what he’d been up to all night.

She knocked, and instead of hearing him invite her in, she just heard a faint grumble, which made her open the door, slowly. She didn’t want to alarm him or seem like she was forcing herself in. She knew that there could be serious problems if they ended up spending the night in the same room. While nobody really had favorable impressions of her, she didn’t need her reputation to be any worse.

She was half expecting to find Kaidan fully throwing himself into some strange project, or deep in some book, but she didn’t. The room was dark, the windows and doors open, letting the warm, stormy air in. The bed was unmade with a rather unceremonious lump at the center, which she assumed was Kaidan, but she was prepared to be wrong.

“Kaidan?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” a small voice said back.

“I came to see where you were. You’d been gone all afternoon.”

She heard him take in a deep breath, and stepped a little closer to the side of his bed. Kaidan was situated at the center of the bed, half dressed in his normal clothes, and tangled up in blankets. He’d undone several buttons and ties on his shirt and she could feel the heat radiating from his body. Immediately, she worried about him having some kind of horrible illness, the kind that took down innocent people on the street, the kind that allowed her to steal food and money off them. The dead didn’t need it anyway.

“i know. Sorry,” he muttered.

Shepard leaned against the side of his bed and looks down, reaching a hand for his. Kaidan took it, but his hands shook violently, making Shepard only grab harder, just to keep him with her. He looked ill, terribly ill. His normally healthy, olive skin had faded to a much paler white, where his lips had no color and his dark eyes set deeper into his face. Shepard did feel bad, however, for enjoying the look of his wildly curly hair in complete disarray.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Are you sick?”

Kaidan remained silent for just a moment. “I’m fine.”

Shepard slid herself onto his bed and pressed a hand to his forehead. His skin was clammy and a weird limbo between hot and cold. A cold sweat coated his skin, but his temperature was hotter than normal. And with Shepard’s hand against his head, she could feel throbbing herself. 

“I don’t think you are. I should call for a doctor.”

Shepard stepped away from the bed, but Kaidan’s hands curled around hers too quickly. At first, he missed, but the subtle brush of his fingertips against her skin made her turn back around. 

“No, it’s okay,” he struggled out. “Trust me. Can you just… come here?”

Shepard swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

She moved back onto the bed and carefully placed her hands on his body. Their legs wove together and she held onto his waist, keeping her against him. She took in the pleasure of the moment, of having him so close. She’d fantasized about this several times now, just what it would feel like to curl up against him, and she now knew. He was warm, careful, and felt like true safety.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

She placed a free hand against his cheek and nodded. “I missed you too. You’ve been up here all day?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

A loud crack of thunder shook the room, and Kaidan stiffened up, drawing his arm across his eyes. Shepard slid closer, resting a hand against his chest. He took in struggled breaths, and with his free hand, gripped at the sheets below him. She noticed, and took his free hand. 

“I’m here,” she said. “But I need you to talk to me. I’m worried.”

Kaidan swallowed, moving his arm, now that the pain had seemingly subsided for the moment. “I uh… I was sick a lot as a child. We have a live in doctor at the house because of it. They didn’t think I was going to survive very long, but somehow I did. But now I’m stuck with headaches, bad ones. And… that’s what this is.”

Shepard nodded. “Well, thank you for telling me.”

“I know it’s not a flattering ailment, unable to move or do anything because my head hurts. It’s why I don’t tell anyone.”

“But you told me.”

“Because I trust you.”

“Then what can I do to help?”

Kaidan opened his eyes just a tiny bit and swallowed hard. She could tell by the strain on his face that the pain was excruciating. His hands shook, and his heart raced under her hand. But he remained so calm, despite her belief that he would prefer to cry his eyes out and beg for it to stop. 

“Just stay with me. Come closer.”

Shepard moved closer to him on the bed and rested where he opened a space for her. She slid against his chest, an arm draped over his torso, and he held on back as much as he could. She gently stroked her hand along him, over the dark hairs on his chest, her lips feathering the skin just after. She didn’t see how this was really helping him, but he seemed far more at ease.

“Having you here helps,” he said, “more than you know. It’s… I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d ever feel safe enough around someone else to tell them.”

Shepard smiled. “It’s not like you have some grand secret, like you’ve murdered all your other lovers and stick them in a closet or something. It’s… not that big of a problem. And it’s not your fault.”

He cracked the tiniest of smiles in return. “I suppose not, but let me ask you this. Wouldn’t you expect any upstanding man to go about his day regardless of when he’s in pain?”

Shepard shrugged. “It would have to depend on how much of a bullheaded idiot the man was. Most of the time, you rank rather low on the scale. I think I can forgive you taking sick days every now and then. And believe me, I’m really not one to critique sex roles, considering I break all of them.”

Kaidan turned over just a little bit to hold her, smiling softly. “But you do look lovely in a dress. And I suppose, what does it matter to anyone else, if the person I am to spend the rest of my life with doesn’t care?”

Shepard swallowed and nodded. “True.”

“That may have been a little weighty to throw at you. I’m sorry.”

“There’s no point in denying it. As far as the rest of the world knows, you and I are going to be married. They believe it. Hearing it said doesn’t affect me much anymore. I’m used to it.”

Another wave of pain came, strong enough to shake their bed, and draw Kaidan closer to her. She cradled him in her arms, pressing soft kisses to the top of his head. She also began tracing small circles with her fingers through his hair, eliciting small sighs and whimpers from him every couple of times. 

“Does anyone ever call you by your first name?” he asked, quietly.

Shepard shook her head. “Hardly.”

“How come?”

“Well, it was the name my parents gave me. I… I don’t remember them very well at all. I just know that when I first had to live out on the streets, they just called me Shepard. It was who I needed to be to survive, and so far removed from who I was before, I think. So… it’s just stuck. And besides, most people will address me as Miss, so I don’t need much of a first name.”

“What about me?”

“I supposed we could try it out.”

The thunder cracked again, and buckets and buckets of rain pelted the roof. She could see that the floor was beginning to dampen where the windows were open. Shepard slid her hand to the side of Kaidan’s face, and pressed kisses all over. He sighed and gripped at her nightgown, helping the pain fade away.

“Does it feel any better?”

He sighed. “A little. The thing I’ve always learned is that the headaches go away. They don’t last very long. But sometimes it’s hard to believe that when it hurts too badly to breathe or move, but now… with you here? I don’t have any trouble believing it will get better.”

“I’d be happy to help you through all the ones to come. You’re very brave, you know.”

“And I could say the same to you.”

Kaidan shifted, placing her between his legs. She rested herself against his body and hovered over his lips. He winced briefly.

“Shh, you’re okay,” she whispered. “You’re going to be okay. Would rest help?”

He nodded. “Yes, probably. But look, um… I don’t want you to leave. Everything feels better when you’re around, love. I just want you here.”

“Of course.”

He wrapped his arms around her, letting her shut her eyes against him. She knew he was still in terrible pain, but if holding her was what offered him any comfort, she was more than glad to supply it. She gently kissed the exposed parts of his chest, letting him rub her back as she drifted off to sleep. Now could have been the perfect time to tell him how much she loved him, but she wanted him awake and aware. She wanted him to know it just wasn’t a dream, that it was all real.

“Goodnight, Kaidan,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Jane,” he replied, his voice sounding like music.

She had never heard her name sound so beautiful, and she’d never wanted to hear it over and over again just like she did in that moment. She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and smiled. 

“I think you should use my name more often.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW, corset tearing fun.

“Someone is going to come in, and throw us both out a window,” Shepard hissed, only to curl her arms around Kaidan’s shoulder’s tighter. He laughed under his breath, planting kisses along the side of her neck. She tilted her head back and sighed his name, feeling as his hands drifted down her body.

 

She knew that nobody was going to come in, as they were all preparing for the fancy dinner party that the Alenkos were throwing that evening. Shepard was beginning to wonder if Kaidan knew more about it than he let on. She was wondering if it was some sort of ploy for him to propose, because she did demand that when he did, it would be real, and romantic. But for now, she believed him when he said his family had been planning it for weeks.

 

“No they’re not. And besides, you don’t want me to stop.”

 

“Fine, maybe I don’t, but….”

 

“But I think you should stop worrying and go back to kissing me, love,” he whispered, his voice rough against her skin. Kaidan turned her over, pressing her to the bed sheets, and wrapped his arms around her. She directed his lips back up to hers and knotted her fingers in his hair.

 

“You know what I hate?” she gasped between kisses.

 

He looked up, no more response but a hum coming from his lips.

 

“The fact that I can’t strip you down and have my way with you however I’d like,” she mumbled angrily.

 

He laughed, removing his lips from hers. “Really? That’s what you’re angry about?”

 

She nodded. “Well, of course. I mean, it’s not like I’m some completely innocent lady who has never had a man lay hands on her before. But if I am to marry you, I should at least attempt to come across rather proper or they’ll throw me into some brothel.”

 

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Never in a million years, my dear. But I understand. You have no idea how frustrating it is to me too.”

 

She smirked, brushing a thumb against his cheek. “I think I do.”

 

“That’s fair I suppose. We can - however - amuse ourselves other ways.”

 

“Mmm,” she whispered, “do share.”

 

He smiled back and brushed her face with the back of his thumb. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

 

“Doubtful,” she teased.

 

Kaidan pushed the bottom of the shirt - his shirt - she was wearing up her body, exposing more open skin for him to kiss. Several days worth of not shaving left their mark on her. He teased and nipped as he moved down her body. She sucked in a deep breath and reached for the blankets below her, curling her fingers around the fabric. Kaidan slid a hand between her legs and parted them, lips trailing lower down her body, until they reached her center.

 

It was slow at first, just kissing, no different. It sent a soft chill up her back, which made her arch, leaning herself into him more. His tongue traced the most sensitive lines and curves of her body, and a heat rose to the top of her skin. She let out a sigh, and he shifted his hands to her waist. His grip was tight, holding her in place, which only made her want to squirm more.

 

She grabbed his hair, pressing his mouth against her harder. She could feel a certain tension in her rising, only to be let go shortly, she presumed, and he sensed it too. He drew away for a moment, pressing kisses along the inside of her thighs, everywhere but where she wanted it most.

 

“You’re cruel,” she moaned.

 

“Do you have no trust in me?” he mumbled against her skin.

 

The vibrations sent shockwaves across her skin and she shivered. She shut her eyes and focused her attention on just him in that moment. The way his rough fingers brushed against her soft skin, gripping tighter the more she moved, or how smooth his hair felt between her fingers, as she grabbed on for stability. She wanted so much more of him and for this to become ritual or commonplace. And it wasn’t because she felt good in that moment, which she totally did, but because she sensed that their intimacy came from something other than plain old lust.

 

Whenever they kissed, he was gentle, even when the kissing was rougher. His arms would encircle around her as a means of protection, to let her know that he cared, and in a way deeper than what she’d ever seen before. And despite how many rules it would break, when she snuck into his room late at night because she missed his touch, he pulled her close and let her sleep nestled up against his chest.

 

She had to wonder if it meant that she really did love him.

 

His lips migrated back to the center of her thighs, against her core. There was something harder first, a raw passion and hunger that made her legs tense up and tighten around him. She stifled the whimper that she wanted so badly to let out by gripping his hair tighter.

 

Another excited, burning feeling rose to her skin from the center of her body and her heart raced. She reached for his hand, and demanded he move closer to her. Her eyes remained closed, but she could feel him moving his lips to the side of her neck, soft kisses that drove her wild. She weaved her arms around his body and let him continue. Everything in her became weightless and the burning anxiety went away. There was a soft release and she reached for him again.

 

“I could get used to that,” she whispered against his lips.

 

He smiled. “Uh huh. I thought so.”

 

He pressed his lips hard against hers, wrapping his arms around her so there were no spaces between them. Carried away in their enjoyment, he rolled over, bumping his head on a nightstand and grumbling against her lips. She couldn’t hold back and laughed, burying her head in his chest.

 

“You were so suave, and then that happened.”

 

“Vicious little minx, you are, my dear.”

 

“Enough. We should work on getting ready for this evening.”

 

He groaned. “But that means you have to leave.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m one room away, you child.”

 

He sighed. “Fine, but I’ll be very unhappy the whole time.”

 

***

 

“Hold still,” Ashley grunted, tugging at the strings on Shepard’s corset. Well, it wasn’t hers. It was Ashley’s, and she insisted that she wear it. Why? She had no clue. But Ashley was someone beyond questioning. Shepard had picked that up by now.

Shepard shut her eyes and prepared for another massive tug. She almost felt her ribs shatter, and her breasts tighten against the clothing. But seeing how she looked in the mirror, she suspected Ashley was up to no good.

“You hate me,” she muttered, trying to find the air.

“We are practically family, dear, and therefore, it’s my job to help you. If you’re going to marry my cousin, let’s at least make this interesting.”

“Interesting?” Shepard gasped. Nope. Still no air.

“Wait until he sees you. My cousin has been lonely and boring for at least a year and a half now, and he’s gotten really into weird cigars and talking about farms, and he’s been way more amusing since you’ve been around. I would like to see it continue.”

“And your plan is to do that by making me practically fall out of my dress?”

“Something like that. And… there. All done. How does it feel?”

“Absolutely terrible, Ashley.”

“Then I did it right!” she chirped.

Shepard looked at herself in the mirror. She hardly looked like herself, but she quite liked it. Her clothing had never been this elegant before. and her hair had never been done this nicely. Her dress was a silky red, simple black and gold embroidery along the hems and bodice. Ashley helped her to slide the top up, where she tied the back shut there as well. Her jewelry was simple but glittery and beautiful. Kaidan had dropped them off before, just for her.

“You look beautiful,” Ashley said.

Ashley herself looked lovely, donning a simple fitting blue dress, hair spun into a bun. But she’d clearly dedicated most of her time to making sure Shepard looked as beautiful as could be for the night. She believed even more now that Kaidan had something planned.

“Are you ready?”

Shepard looked at the oak vanity before her, and reached for her simple black gloves and pulled them over her fingers.

“I am now.”

Ashley lead her downstairs to where the party had already begun, and helped her to acclimate to the amount of people that were attending. She’d never seen a party this large before. None of the ones at Anderson’s were this big either. The women were dressed so decadently and the men were almost too formal. A small band played in the ballroom, and the scent of fresh cooked food floated through the air.

“There’s my best girls,” Kaidan said from behind them. He leaned forward and kissed Ashley on the cheek, and stepped before Shepard, eyes dancing all over her. He took her tiny gloved hands and held them in his, stroking the back of her palm for just a moment. “And you look beyond beautiful, my dear.”

“Thank you,” she said. “And you look dashing yourself.”

“Mm, thank you. And I have something for you.”

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small white rose, placing it along one of the clasps on her dress. She blushed, leaning in to kiss him, but the moment was quickly ruined when Ashley scoffed.

“You two are too sweet. It’s revolting.”

“Thank you, Ashley,” Kaidan groaned, finishing the distance and pressing his lips to hers. It was quick and appropriate. For a moment, Shepard thought maybe she could be the wife that his family wanted for him. He made her feel like it was possible to belong somewhere. He pulled away, brushing her cheek with his thumb. “Okay, love. I have to go be social and speak with family, but I will come find you shortly.”

Shepard nodded. “Of course.”

He paused a moment, groaning softly. “But god, do I hate to leave you when you look so stunning.”

She stood on her toes, planting a final kiss on his lips. “Do your duty as a good upstanding man, and then come back to me. I’m not going anywhere.”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Kaidan stepped away, going off to speak with other family members. Shepard stayed with Ashley, letting her fill her in on all the family members that passed by them, telling dirty gossip about their Aunt Susan’s chain smoking habits, or Uncle Robert’s hair piece, all while sharing drinks and glasses of wine.

Shepard was pleased to find that Anderson and Miss Sanders had made their way all the way to the Alenkos, presumably for just the night, to see her. They found her and greeted her with lots of hugs and love.

“You look so beautiful, dear,” Kahlee said, holding her tightly. “We miss you at the manor. It’s just not the same without you there.”

She finally let go and let her partner kiss her on the cheek. Shepard held onto him tightly, realizing that she actually did miss whatever surrogate family she did have. Her eyes watered and she just hoped that he was proud of her. She was doing what they’d always wanted, and found herself actually happy.

“Goodness, you’ve grown up. It’s only been a couple of weeks, dear. How are they treating you here?”

Shepard nodded. “Excellent. I’m… I’m very happy.”

The two exchanged a sweet glance and smiled. “I could not be happier for you. I will be honest, this plan came together so haphazardly that I wasn’t sure it would work. But I’m glad to see that you are in fact happy with Sir Alenko. He’s an excellent young man.”

“He is. I care for him very much.”

“I look forward to him being my son-in-law, sweet heart. But… you can take your time. We just want you to be happy.”

She wasn’t expecting them to change their tune so fast. Perhaps seeing that she was behaving herself, made them realize that she had never really been much trouble all along. After they departed, Shepard wandered back to Ashley, who was grumbling angrily in a corner with her drink.

“You alright?” she asked.

Ashley nodded. “I hate dumb parties like this. I love the dress up and the food and drinks, but if one more person asks me why I’m not married, I swear. ‘Have my babies this, and stop slouching that’. God.”

“I understand completely,” Shepard said, reaching for a glass of wine from a passing server.

“At least you’re doing better than I am. You have a nice man to rub up against. And thankfully, he’s not a complete idiot. Well, he is, but in the best way possible. You know Kaidan. You know what I mean.”

“Oh, I do.”

A portly old man wandered up to Ashley, brows furrowed, but then Shepard realized it was just his face.

“Dearest, Ashley! It’s great to see you, love.”

Ashley opened her arms and hugged the older man, shooting a glance at Shepard that hinted she wanted to be bashed over the head, hard. “Uncle Henry! It’s wonderful to see you too.”

Shepard could sense the annoyance in her voice, but Uncle Henry would clearly never know. Shepard smiled and sipped at her wine again, thankful this was definitely not her problem yet. Kaidan’s relatives would be her relatives in time. But that day was thankfully not today.

“Without a man again, I see,” he added.

Ashley straightened up. “Unfortunately, no.”

Uncle Henry frowned. “Shame. You will not be of child-bearing age forever, dear.”

Shepard choked on her drink and turned away, hoping that he hadn’t noticed. God. Children. She was practically going to pieces over marriage, nonetheless that.

Uncle Henry shifted his gaze toward Shepard, thoroughly displeased with her reaction.

“And you are a new face. Have we met?”

Shepard swallowed and straightened up. Before she could speak, she felt hands on her waist and a soft kiss at her temple.

“Oh, Uncle Henry. Just the man I was looking for,” Kaidan swooped in. “You were the last person I haven’t managed to track down just yet. May I introduce you to someone so dear to my heart? Uncle, this is Miss Shepard, the wonderful woman who has allowed me the privilege of courting her. Love, this is my great Uncle Henry.”

Shepard held out a hand and bowed slightly as he took it. “Pleasure, sir.”

Uncle Henry adjusted his suit and straightened up. “I’ll admit, Kaidan. I would not suspect her to be your kind of woman.”

“She’s exactly my kind of woman,” he defended.

“I always imagined you going for a more wholesome lady, and not… well… a harlot.”

Kaidan’s eyes narrowed. Shepard felt his grip on her tighten. Ashley was dumbfounded as well. As for Shepard, she wasn’t surprised. Someone was going to say it. She didn’t look the way women were supposed to look, and it was no news that she was a ward taken in off the streets. She was filthy by most standards.

“Excuse you?” Kaidan said.

“You know exactly what I speak of. An upstanding man like you should have an upstanding woman by his side, someone loyal to you and who comes from a good family. She doesn't even have a family. I know her situation. It’s a precarious one that you have unfortunately fallen into.”

Shepard’s eyes watered, but she blinked them away. She could feel Kaidan’s breathing tense up as well. He was holding a lot back.

“She has us,” Ashley said, “and if it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for us, Uncle. It’s clear that Kaidan cares very much for this wonderful woman, and it’s not your affair to meddle in. His parents adore her, and they approve of his relationship with her. It is not your business, sir.”

“With all due respect-.”

“Why is it that whenever someone says ‘with all due respect’, they really mean ‘kiss my ass’?”

Kaidan stifled a laugh and looked away. Uncle Henry turned six different shades of fuschia and curled his fingers into angry fists.

“Young lady, how dare you speak to-,” Henry began.

Kaidan cut him off. “Uncle, quite frankly, you came here, disrespected my guest, and Ashley was crass, of course, but I far from approve of your behavior.”

“I liked your last fiance more,” he scoffed, turning away.

Last fiance, Shepard thought. This was new information. No one had told her that Kaidan had been engaged before, and part of her was spinning. How come they weren’t married? What happened to her? Was it her, or him? was there something she should know?

Kaidan groaned, reaching for Shepard’s hand. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Uncle Henry is a raging sack of pig shit, sometimes,” Ashley said.

“Thank you, Ashley,” Kaidan finished.

Shepard swallowed and nodded. “Could we… step away for a moment?”

Kaidan nodded, tenderly kissing her forehead. “Absolutely, dear. Come with me.”

“Here,” Ashley offered, “I’ll hold your drink.”

Shepard passed Ashley her glass of wine, and gave her a gentle smile. She’d come to her rescue. She’d stood up to their terrible uncle for Shepard, and she could hardly believe it. Ashley walked on thin ice already with their family, but that could send her over the edge. But she chose to defend Shepard regardless.

Kaidan lured her into a small back room off the parlor, and shut the door, locking it so they’d have some privacy. Almost immediately, her eyes began to water. And she hardly knew what it was she was most sad about.

“Oh, love. I’m so sorry that happened. I figured he may say something provocative, but not that. God. What an ass. I cannot believe-.”

“I… I wasn’t expecting anyone to be very nice to me. It’s kind of the usual reaction. I know I’m not the woman you should be with,” Shepard said, twisting her gloves and toying with the fingertips.

Kaidan looked up, pushing a stray curl of hair out of his face. “What? What are you even talking about?”

“You deserve someone pure and sweet, and obedient. And someone who isn’t going to fight you, and who will submit to whatever you want. And I’m just… I’m not that girl. And maybe you had her before.”

Kaidan’s expression softened, and he took her shaking hands in his. “You’re right. I did.”

Shepard felt the words cut through her like a knife. She was the second, the backup person to love him. Not his first choice.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he said. “I was engaged before you. To a woman I loved very much, at that. She was polite, and proper, and pure, and beautiful the way they say a woman should be. But it didn’t work out. She wasn’t what I thought, and she broke my heart. So no, that’s not what I want at all. I want you. If it means we fight every day for a month over the color of the drapes in the house, then so be it. If you don’t want something, we can talk about it and figure something out. Jane, I don’t want any other woman. It’s only you.”

“What are you trying to say?” she asked.

“I’m… I guess I’m trying to tell you that I love you. I don’t know if maybe I’m not supposed to or how uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same, but I’m in love with you, Jane. I think I have been for quite some time. The world feels safer and better when you’re around, and I couldn’t dream of a life with anyone else.”

She stepped closer, letting him place his arms around her waist and kiss her forehead softly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned on him for support. Something in her felt so shaky and unsure now, and she hated that it was digging at her so. Kaidan drew a hand to the side of her face and stroked her cheek softly for just a few moments. Part of her was afraid to look at him, ashamed of being so vulnerable.

“You love me?”

He nodded. “The way that they tell it in story books.”

Her breath caught in her throat, but she knew she could follow with only one thing.

“And I love you too.”

He drew her into a kiss, soft at first, but growing deeper with desire as she tightened her grip on him. His mouth pressed harder against hers, and she stood herself up on her toes to reach him better. She felt his hands wander lower, past her waist, and he pulled her so close that every inch of her possible was somehow touching him. An excited heat rushed to her skin, and she let him proceed. He stopped for just a moment, taking it in to hold her and breathe her in.

“I’ve been waiting to do that all night.”

“I can tell,” she giggled, kissing him back.

“I keep thinking of ways we could sneak off and be on our own without causing a stir, but…”

“Sneak off? Are we rebellious children now?” she teased.

He tightened his grip on her. “When you look this beautiful, I want you all to myself.”

“More of this morning?” she teased.

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, why not?”

She smiled and leaned into him. “I’ll come up with something. Have faith in me.”

He kissed the tip of her nose and smiled back. “I will, love.”

He held out a hand for her, inviting her to come back to the party. She took it, and followed him back to where she and Ashley had been standing before. Ashley passed Shepard back her wine, and looked between the two of them.

“Sort through your quarrel?”

“All is fine,” Kaidan said. “Uncle Henry is on some kind of vengeful bender, apparently.”

“He’s just been cranky and in everyone’s privacy since your father bought his lands from him.”

“He couldn’t take care of it! Chickens kept dying.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “I know. I had to clean it all up. It’s for the better, but he’s bitter. Either that or he’s angry about his bad hair piece.”

“I’d be angry about a bad hair piece,” Kaidan said, sipping on his own drink.

“Of course you would. You spend hours on your hair.”

Shepard leaned back on her heels, trying to formulate a casual way to go about her plan. She wobbled a little bit, bouncing off of Kaidan’s arm, and attracting his attention. He narrowed his eyes, as if to ask if she was alright. She winked and looked down at her drink, and then to his shirt. It took him less than a second to figure out what she was up to. He nodded subtly and motioned for Shepard to step forward. She did, feeling the stop of his foot in front of hers. Quickly, he caught her, and she spun around, spraying the glass of white wine across his shirt and jacket.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” she muttered.

Ashley raised an eyebrow. “Wow, you think you’ve had enough to drink?”

Shepard pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed. “I’m fine. Just not used to heels this high. But, oh god, we should fix your shirt.”

Kaidan looked down, brushing off some of the dampness from his shirt. “Ah, yes. this is a bit of a mess, and I’m rather cold now.”

“I’ll help you,” she said, taking his hand. “Come on.”

Ashley glanced at them with an expression that read “you’re not fooling anyone”, but nodded to say she would cover for them if they wanted some alone time. Kaidan carefully led her up the stairs and towards his room. Once they were out of earshot, they picked up speed, and she grabbed onto his waist.

“Good. Now let’s not go back,” she laughed.

“Never?”

“Okay, I’ll just have to do something really nice for Ashley for us abandoning her. But now what to do?”

“I believe I discussed this earlier today,” she teased, sliding into his arms.

He blushed, looking away for a moment, and rubbing the back of his neck. “Love, you know we shouldn’t. I want nothing more than that, but I know what it could mean for you. If people found out… if you became pregnant… there’s plenty of reasons why not.”

“Kaidan, I’m no shining example of purity. One way or another, I’m marrying you. What would it matter? I don’t want anyone but you to have me like this for the rest of my life. Plus, it’s not like anyone would hear us down there. Do you want this?”

He swallowed, and nodded. “I do.”

“Then please don’t make me ask twice.”

He laughed, a soft hum against her lips. “Well, we wouldn’t want that now would we?”

Kaidan leaned forward, kissing her hard. Her hands knotted in his dark, curly hair and pulled him against her. She parted her lips, allowing him access and pushed her body against his firmly. Something in her chest began to burn, a desire that could only be calmed with more of him. He moved his body against her in waves, hands tightening with each harder kiss.

She reached behind them for the knob to Kaidan’s bedroom door, and pushed it open. The pair stumbled in, lips still locked. Kaidan shut and locked the door behind them.

His room was dimly lit, just several small lamps on tables and a few candles, emitting a orange, warm glow. The light reflected off his whiskey colored eyes so beautifully, and she knew she needed to have him. He pressed her to the door, hands gripping her sides and holding her close to him. Shepard spread her legs, pulling him between her. As he kissed her, working his lips down her neck, and her chest to the hemline of her corset, she slowly slid his jacket off of him and began unbuttoning his shirt. He reached down for a moment, untucking it from his pants. She went to take that off, but he murmured something against her skin.

“Come here,” he whispered hoarsely, scooping her into his arms.

Shepard hoisted her legs around his waist, and let him carry her over to the bed. He rested her down against the comforter carefully, a hand behind her head. Kaidan hovered over her, sliding himself between her legs, hands drawing down her body. His breath was heavy and anxious, but he looked over her like he was seeing the face of God, unable to articulate how in love he really was.

“Are you positive?”

She nodded. “Beyond positive. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Kaidan pulled her shoes off her feet, and did the same with his boots, moving forward and pressing his chest against her corseted chest, and kissing her, so softly at first. She knotted her fingers in his hair again and kissed him back just as soft. He slowly moved the hem of her dress up and let her wrap her legs around him. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders, and took a moment to enjoy him half dressed. The closest she’d come before was the night of his migraine, where he’d unbuttoned several buttons on his shirt, but this was her first chance to enjoy it.

His skin was an even olive tone, body taut and smooth, with soft muscles on his stomach. His chest and lower stomach was sprinkled just slightly with the same beautiful dark hair that wildly sprung from his head when he didn’t bother to tame it. She brushed her hands down his chest, learning the parts of his body that had been so withheld from her before.

He kissed her neck, and held his hands firmly against her breasts, allowing her to just take the moment in. Their breathing moved together, his chest taking in air as hers let it out. His leg brushed against her center, sending shivers across her body and making her grab at him harder. He sat up, pulling her into his lap, and kissing her lips again. Her hips moved against his in waves, and she could feel him growing closer and closer to a point of no return. She carefully reached her hands down, unbuttoning his pants and pushing the sides out of the way. Her hands slid along his length, gentle and easy. He pulled at her hair, a pleasured moan escaping his lips.

“You’re going to drive me crazy, oh god.”

She smiled. “Good.”

She could feel him physically aching for her, and his body showed signs in a hundred different ways.

Her grip tightened and he dug his nails into her back, trailing down to the ties on her corset. He toyed with the laces, as much as his shaking hands would let him. His delicate and precise touch was sexy as anything else, so slow that it was bringing her as hot and close as he already was. His fingers stopped at the center, and he tugged, causing her to gasp for air.

“Damn.”

“Stuck?”

He nodded. “Whoever laced this-.”

“Ashley.”

“Ashley,” he hissed. “ Dammit, hold still.”

Shepard tensed up, breathing in and feeling as his fingers slid under the ties of her corset, cold fingers against hot skin. She heard a sharp tearing noise, and string by string, the corset came loose, Kaidan softly grunting as he tugged harder, her gasping for breath as finally she could breathe. Her eyes focused hard on the tensed muscles in his arms as he freed her from her god-awful womanly torture device.

He smiled, pressing her freshly bare skin against his. “There. Much better.”

“That belonged to Ashley.”

“Oh well.”

His hands pushed against her breasts, his thumbs curving around them, brushing over already firm nipples, and kissing her lower and lower. Shepard slid her way out of her skirt and undergarments, placing her entire body between his legs. He turned her over, pushing down his own pants and closing their gaps. Hot skin against hot skin, and breathing fighting breathing. A single hand moved to her center, stroking in soft circular motions. His fingers found her clit and she tensed, tightening her legs around him, and a choked whimper slid from her lips.

“Oh my god,” she breathed.

He continued, applying more pressure, and then easing back with something so soft it was ten times as powerful. She was shaking, holding onto him and pleading for more. Not just this, please not just this. She pulled him closer, their hips pressed together. He hesitated a moment, kissing her lips so softly, and gently easing himself into her. At first, she whispered a hoarse expletive against the side of his neck, and dug her nails into his shoulder blades. She began to relax her body, but quickly realized that being this close to him and having him this way already did that for her. She shut her eyes, leaning her head back against the pillows.

He tilted her face up and kissed her, long and soft, hands at her waist to keep her still. His thumbs brushed along the inside of her thighs and teased just enough to drive her mad. She placed her hands on the side of his face, kissing him just as gentle back. Slowly, not to throw off the steady rhythm he’d taken up, she wrapped her legs around his body and kept him close.

He was so gentle, so delicate with her, and she swore that he was the only person on Earth who could make her feel this way. She became hypnotized by the way his hips moved in and out, such careful and precise thrusts. Shepard tightened her legs around his body, and pleaded for him to push her further, harder.

He kissed along her neck, and grabbed her hand, cradling it to his chest. His hips grinded against hers harder, and she whimpered out his name against his lips. He returned it with a kiss, and between each kiss, each step closer to a finish that they came, whispered that he loved her, that she was so beautiful, and a hundred other lovely things that came from his lips like music.

“Fuck,” she moaned against his skin.

Same as this morning, she felt the sensations begin deep inside her, and slowly spread across her body. It was a shock through her, where she reached out for him, and he held her, so carefully and so lovingly. Her world seemed so light, so safe in his arms. Her hands shook, but she managed to weave them with his, letting him kiss each finger tip gently.

“I love you so, so much,” he whispered.

She nodded, kissing him again and stroking the side of his face. “I love you too. You almost there?”

“God, yes,” he breathed.

She turned him over, keeping their bodies locked together, and eased herself off of him a little. She pressed her hands firmly to his chest. He curled his fingers around her wrists as she rolled her hips against him, easy up and down and backward and forward movements. So simple and slow, but she could tell this drove him wild.

He leaned his head back against the pillows and his mouth fell open to curse under his breath. His fingers clutched her wrists so tightly and his hands tremored, and he let another whimper of pleasure. His breathing was heavy and ragged and she moved closer to him, arms around his neck, knotting at the back in his curly hair.

“Glad you said yes?”

Kaidan smiled, eyes still shut and breathing a mess. “I have no words, love. None.”

She kissed him, softly. “I have three.”

“Let me guess.”

“I love you,” she said, tracing a small heart on his chest with her finger.

“I love you so much,” he sighed, finally relaxing.

She rested her head against his chest, and let him curl up around her. “So… are we going back to the party?”

He laughed, kissing her forehead. “We destroyed your corset.”

She nodded. “Excellent point. Perhaps we’re better up here.”

“I know for certain I am.”


	9. Chapter 9

Shepard woke up as the sunlight broke through the curtains in Kaidan’s room. She opened her eyes just a pinch, groaning and rolling over again, pulling the blankets around her body tighter. Rubbing her eyes with the back of her palm, she saw Kaidan in bed beside her, so peacefully sleeping. They really hadn’t left all night. They’d snuck away, had sex, and stayed here for the entire night.

She reached to the floor beside her, picking up the shirt he’d been wearing last night and sliding it over her own body. It still smelled like him, and the wine they’d tossed on it to sneak away, but it was warm, and sentimental, so it would do.

Kaidan rolled over, softly humming under his breath, feeling her beside him. He reached an arm out and tucked her closer. She scooted beside him and gently ran her hand up and down his chest, feathering his skin with soft kisses and whispering how much she loved him.

She knew that by this point, they’d be married soon enough. Or at least engaged. There was little undoing now. He had yet to formally propose, but she sensed that to a degree, it wasn’t necessary. She loved him, so dearly that she wanted it and felt crazy thinking she ever hadn’t. And so whatever could have come from last night would not be of issue.

Kaidan rolled over and rubbed his eyes, sighing. When he opened his eyes, and glanced down at her, there was a brief moment of confusion, and then complete calm. He drew a hand to the side of her face and breathed her in.

“It was all real,” he said under his breath.

She laughed and nodded. “It was.”

He leaned forward, placing his lips against hers. She kissed back in a sleepy haze, slowly moving closer and sliding on top of him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed along his jawline, down his neck, and his chest. He muttered her name and leaned his head back, reaching out for her hand.

“That’s it. It’s settled,” he said, bluntly.

“What?” she asked, hardly removing her lips from his skin.

He sat up, cradling her against his chest. She laughed under her breath and wrapped her legs around his waist. His hair was a mess, dark curls rebelling in all different directions, and lack of shaving beginning to show against his cheeks. His eyes were still half closed, but in a blissful way, where part of him had to believe he was still dreaming.

“We must get married now. Absolutely must.”

“And why is that?”

He placed a kiss on her forehead. “Because I would possibly die if last night were the only time we ever got to do that.”

She traced her thumb along the curve of his bottom lip. “Me too.”

Shepard traced her fingers down, placing her hips against his. She slowly rolled her body against his, eliciting a soft moan from his lips. She softly pressed kisses against his neck, her hands wandering below the blankets. She ran her hands along his length, brushing a thumb against the tip and sliding closer. Kaidan held onto her waist, and bit down on his bottom lip.

“Clearly in a rush to remedy that, love?” he whispered.

“Of course. I couldn’t risk it.

She raised herself on her knees just slightly, allowing her to lower herself onto him. For a brief second, there was no movement, just Kaidan slowly wrapping his arms around her. She teased his lips with her own and breathed him in. She rocked herself against his hips, and he muttered a curse under his breath.

Shepard tightened her legs around her lover and pressed her chest to his. Kaidan slid his hands up her - well, really his - shirt and cupped both of her breasts. He drew his lips lower, as she moved up and down, easing him in and out of her. The hairs on his arm and the back of his neck raised nearly immediately. He pushed aside the shoulders of her shirt, exposing her chest and allowing him access.

He gripped her waist, pushing himself further into her. She dropped her jaw and shut her eyes, whimpering his name, definitely loud enough for someone else in the house to hear. He quickly stopped her by kissing her harder for a moment and whispering for her to stay quiet. Carefully, he turned her onto her back, wrapping her legs around his waist. He thrust into her slowly, so gently that her body didn’t know how to react first. She bit down on her lip to prevent her from crying out, and reached for one of his hands to hold, squeezing it tightly.

“Fuck,” he hissed at her tightening her legs around his body. He bit down on her skin to mask a cry of pleasure, kissing between her breasts and tightening his grip below her waist. The tension in her body dissipated she felt as if she could breathe again. He finished, collapsing on top of her, his head resting against her shoulder.

Her eyes watered as she held him against her chest, fingers stroking through his hair. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hot skin over and over. She tilted his head up so he would look at her.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled faintly. “I love you too.”

“It feels good to say it.”

He nodded. “It feels good in general.”

There was a knock at his door, and he groaned. Shepard caressed the side of his face and kissed him one more time before he climbed out of bed and retrieved his pants from the ground. Shepard turned over onto her side and watched him dress, enjoying the sight of his lithe form pulling his clothes back on.

“I had such a great time taking all of that off,” she said.

He turned and smiled. “You’ll get another chance at a later date, love.”

Kaidan pulled sleep shirt on and made sure he looked completely unsuspicious when he opened the door. He only opened it a crack and looked outside. Ashley stood on the other side, looking rather angry.

“Excuse me, but you abandoned me last night. You left me to deal with irritating family members, and -.”

Kaidan rubbed his eyes and frowned. “Ashley, it is still very early.”

She shoved her body against the door knocking him out of the way. She barged into the room and Kaidan shut the door before anyone else could hear her losing her cool. Ashley’s eyes darted to Shepard, bundled up in Kaidan’s blankets still, still wearing his shirt.

“Oh, I see how it is,” she said. “Well, I’m pleased to see that I wasn’t left behind for nothing. But-.”

Her eyes drifted down to the completely destroyed corset on the ground, and she frowned. “That’s mine.”

Kaidan groaned and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Did you _rip my corset off_ of her?” she near shrieked.

“Ashley, please be quiet.”

“You did!”

“Ashley!”

“Oh you did, you arse! You _can’t just go around_ tearing corsets off nice girls, Kaidan!”

“I think she liked it,” he muttered.

“I’m still here,” Shepard chimed in.

“Right,” he sighed. “Ashley, I will buy you a new one. I promise.”

She pursed her lips together. “You are a dirty sinner, you. You better have done good by her.”

Kaidan slid an arm around Ashley’s waist, ushering her toward the door, and shutting it once she was on the other side, still wailing hysterically.

***

Shepard leaned her head against Kaidan’s shoulder, knowing he was more comfortable than the prickly grass below her. He’d taken her out to the orchard, where they’d strolled through rows and rows of trees, and he’d picked the higher apples for her and cleaned them off with his shirt. And as the sun set, they sat beside the lake on the far edge of the land and held one another, making time for sweet kisses and declarations of love.

“What your uncle said,” she began, not sure if now was the best time to broach the subject.

“Jane,” he breathed, “you know it doesn’t matter.”

“No… about your former fiancee…”

He swallowed. “Oh. I suppose you’d like to know what happened.”

She didn’t nod, or shake her head. She did want to know, but she didn’t want to push it. He would tell her, she hoped, when he was ready.

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” she said.

He shook his head. “No, we should. I was engaged over a year ago, and… well… madly in love.”

The dark and selfish parts of her hated the thought of Kaidan loving anyone else, even if they’d hardly known one another at the time. She didn’t want to think of him holding another woman close to him at night, whispering he loved her and making love to her until she cried his name against her lips. She’d never wanted someone the way she wanted him.

“But you’re clearly not anymore.”

“No, not with her. But with you, yes. We’d been together for many years, my first love, really. We drifted and found one another several times, and I asked her to marry me. It was seemingly perfect. We were in love, she came from a good family, proper… what everyone wanted from a woman. What… I thought I wanted.”

“What happened?” she said, pressing a hand to his chest.

“Her father found someone with more money. He was borderline noble, and it was the smart thing to do, I suppose. Rahna was always smart."

Shepard narrowed her eyes. “But if she loved you, it shouldn’t matter. She should have stayed with you if she really loved you.”

He swallowed. “I wanted her to. I wanted her to fight for me, to prove that she did care. I wanted her to choose love over money, make all of what we had mean something. I didn’t want it to have a monetary value. But it didn’t work. She left. She made me feel like I was on top of the world, and so easily like I meant nothing.”

“Do you know where she is now?”

He shrugged. “Married, perhaps having a child. I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

Shepard knew she couldn’t be selfish, she couldn’t tell him that she was jealous someone had been here before her. She couldn’t do that to him. Not when the pain was gripping his voice, like hands around his throat and keeping him from saying how he really felt. She looked up at him, and saw his eyes glistening with tears.

“It does matter,” she said. “She hurt you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

Kaidan glanced over, but quickly looked away so she wouldn’t see his weakness. “Wasn’t meant to be…”

Shepard crawled into his lap and slid her arms around him. His body was tense, and felt as if the slightest push in a certain direction would send him into a breakdown. Could it have been that he was afraid she would do the same to him? She’d hurt him the way Rahna had? She had no way to, no one better would come along, and even if they did, she wanted him.

“I would fight for you,” she whispered, and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

“I swear to you, I would go to the ends of the earth, embarrass myself beyond all just to be with you,” he replied.

She held onto his shirt and let him rock her gently, playing with her hair and kissing her head. “I don’t want to fight. I just want to love you.”

He smiled. “Well, perhaps it’s not the action itself, but knowing that someone would that helps us sleep at night.”

Shepard tilted her head up and pressed her lips against his. He kissed her softly, and then harder. She slowly pulled away, looking into his deep amber eyes and knowing that she’d love him this way forever. There was nothing that could keep them apart anymore. She was certainly right. He was worth fighting for.


End file.
